Chapter 5: Social development:
Intimacy:
Intimacy Derived from Latin intimus – Means inner.
In a broader sense intimacy means establishing closeness with another
person
This closeness develops from self-disclosure i.e. the process where one
shares one’s thoughts, feelings and experiences with another.
True intimacy is established when the process is reciprocal in nature – Both
persons must contribute to the relationship. (process of give and take)
Individuals not only express openness but also experience deeper self-
knowledge.
Emotional unresponsiveness and negative self-esteem are personality
variables that have a strong correlation with fear of intimacy in both males and
females.
Establishing intimacy is considered one of the critical developmental tasks
marking a person’s entry into adulthood.
Failure to sustain and establish a committed intimate relationship during
young adulthood not only hinders development but also has significant
negative implications for well-being across the total life span.
Individuals first must establish a personal identity before they can achieve
intimacy and establish a shared identity with another person. (know
themselves)
For example, young adult who hasn’t established a clear identity can either
feel threatened by the thought of a long-term relationship/ become over-
dependent on their partner as a source of identity.
The development of true intimacy during early adulthood is a difficult task
because the individual experiences conflict between the desire for
commitment to someone, and the desire to remain independent, as well as to
retain his or her newly acquired personal identity.
The result is that many young adults form relationships based on sexual
intimacy without emotional intimacy.
Erikson and Hall call this a Genital relationship they believe that this type of
relationship can lead to total isolation.
The lower the level of intimacy in a marriage, the higher the level of
loneliness.
Relationship status and thus the degree of intimacy has a significant influence
on romantic and general loneliness.
Erikson – Intimacy occurs in any relationship in which there is an emotional
bond, such as between family members and friends.
Intimacy implies the fusion of two identities, but also means that the other
person is given the freedom to remain an individual.
Young adults who resolve this intimacy VS isolation crisis positively are
successful in developing close give-and-take relationships with others and are
graced with the virtue of love.
1
, Love:
Love is an exceedingly complex and diverse emotion that is characterised
fundamentally by a deep affection for another person.
Love takes on many forms throughout the life span and is influenced not only
by the personalities of the persons involved, but also by factors such as
developmental stages, gender differences, and culture-historical contexts.
Psychologists view the capacity to love and be loved as an inherently human
tendency with powerful effects on well-being from infancy through to old age.
Love also has a strong biological component –When we fall in love our
bodies produce various physiological responses such as a racing heart,
sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, loss of appetite and accelerating breathing
Various biochemicals in the body are associated with love – Dopamine
(effect on genitals and sweat glands can cause feelings of excitement,
testosterone (increase sexual desire) and oxytocin (also called “cuddle
hormone” and love hormone”- because it is released when people snuggle up
or bond socially)
Oxytocin also plays a role in maternal instincts and orgasms, it is also
associated with enduring friendships and monogamy
It may increase the likelihood of aggression and violence towards others who
aren’t in one’s social group.
Research is needed to determine the precise contribution of these
biochemicals to love and especially how they interact with psychological
factors.
Several psychologists have approached the phenomenon of love scientifically
and proposed several models of love.
The best-known is Robert Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love
He acknowledged the complexity of love and maintained that love does not
occur in a single form, but that it consists of three distinct components i.e.
passion, intimacy and commitment.
2
, Passion
(strong
physical
attrection)
Triangular
model of
love
Commitment Intimacy
(Decision to (self-disclosure,
spend time closeness,
together) conformation)
1. Passion:
Characterised by intense emotions that one feels towards another person
Occurs at the beginning of relationship, characterised by infatuation.
This refers to the state of being completely carried away, feeling of being ‘in
love’- physical attraction is central.
Creates feelings such excitement, ecstasy and euphoria.
Accompanied by feelings of excitement and happiness is a Strong sense of
uncertainty, anxiety and jealousy (because intimacy not established yet)
Passion or Infatuation - Short lived
Intimacy is more emotional
2. Intimacy:
Refers to the development of reciprocal trust, openness and acceptance of
each other
Implies an honest exchange of feelings, without the fear of being rejected.
Intimacy Is essential for a relationship to grow and develop and forms the
basis of close relationships, such as the marital relationship
3. Commitment:
As intimacy is established the 3rd component of love is commitment
Commitment is a conscious decision to maintain the love relationship, and to
care for and support each other
The relative presence or absence of the above-mentioned components
will develop into one of the following Types of love:
1. Liking
3
, Includes intimacy, while passion and commitment are absent
2. Infatuation:
Based on passion, but intimacy and commitment are lacking
3. Empty love:
Based on commitment to each other, but lacks passion and intimacy
4. Romantic love:
Includes passion and intimacy but excludes commitment
5. Fatuous love:
Based on passion and commitment but lacks intimacy
6. Companionate love:
Characterised by intimacy and commitment but lacks passion
7. Consummate love:
Characterised by Passion, intimacy and commitment
Not all 3 components will be equally strong during the total lifespan, certain shifts
can occur. Qualitative shift- shifts apply to all types of relationships and across all
age groups. Example, passion can diminish, while intimacy stabilisers and
commitment develops increasingly- doesn’t mean the relationship becomes less
happy or satisfactory.
Relationships based on one or two components at beginning are at risk.
With whom do people fall in love? Various theories:
The equity theory:
Suggests that close relationships or romances are formed (and also persist)
because the persons involved believe that what they are getting out of the
relationship is proportional to what they are putting into it.
Equity theory assumes that people calculate the costs and benefits involved in
interacting with others.
It is an economic theory and draws our attention to the kinds of things that
people give to and receive from another.
The assumption is that equitable relationships last and inequitable ones break
up. (e.g. Only one contributes to the relationship, while the other does not)
Criticised because it is based purely on mutual exchange – Compared to a
business deal.
Contradictory to what happens in a genuine relationship, where individuals
often sacrifice their own rewards for the good of their partners.
4
Intimacy:
Intimacy Derived from Latin intimus – Means inner.
In a broader sense intimacy means establishing closeness with another
person
This closeness develops from self-disclosure i.e. the process where one
shares one’s thoughts, feelings and experiences with another.
True intimacy is established when the process is reciprocal in nature – Both
persons must contribute to the relationship. (process of give and take)
Individuals not only express openness but also experience deeper self-
knowledge.
Emotional unresponsiveness and negative self-esteem are personality
variables that have a strong correlation with fear of intimacy in both males and
females.
Establishing intimacy is considered one of the critical developmental tasks
marking a person’s entry into adulthood.
Failure to sustain and establish a committed intimate relationship during
young adulthood not only hinders development but also has significant
negative implications for well-being across the total life span.
Individuals first must establish a personal identity before they can achieve
intimacy and establish a shared identity with another person. (know
themselves)
For example, young adult who hasn’t established a clear identity can either
feel threatened by the thought of a long-term relationship/ become over-
dependent on their partner as a source of identity.
The development of true intimacy during early adulthood is a difficult task
because the individual experiences conflict between the desire for
commitment to someone, and the desire to remain independent, as well as to
retain his or her newly acquired personal identity.
The result is that many young adults form relationships based on sexual
intimacy without emotional intimacy.
Erikson and Hall call this a Genital relationship they believe that this type of
relationship can lead to total isolation.
The lower the level of intimacy in a marriage, the higher the level of
loneliness.
Relationship status and thus the degree of intimacy has a significant influence
on romantic and general loneliness.
Erikson – Intimacy occurs in any relationship in which there is an emotional
bond, such as between family members and friends.
Intimacy implies the fusion of two identities, but also means that the other
person is given the freedom to remain an individual.
Young adults who resolve this intimacy VS isolation crisis positively are
successful in developing close give-and-take relationships with others and are
graced with the virtue of love.
1
, Love:
Love is an exceedingly complex and diverse emotion that is characterised
fundamentally by a deep affection for another person.
Love takes on many forms throughout the life span and is influenced not only
by the personalities of the persons involved, but also by factors such as
developmental stages, gender differences, and culture-historical contexts.
Psychologists view the capacity to love and be loved as an inherently human
tendency with powerful effects on well-being from infancy through to old age.
Love also has a strong biological component –When we fall in love our
bodies produce various physiological responses such as a racing heart,
sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, loss of appetite and accelerating breathing
Various biochemicals in the body are associated with love – Dopamine
(effect on genitals and sweat glands can cause feelings of excitement,
testosterone (increase sexual desire) and oxytocin (also called “cuddle
hormone” and love hormone”- because it is released when people snuggle up
or bond socially)
Oxytocin also plays a role in maternal instincts and orgasms, it is also
associated with enduring friendships and monogamy
It may increase the likelihood of aggression and violence towards others who
aren’t in one’s social group.
Research is needed to determine the precise contribution of these
biochemicals to love and especially how they interact with psychological
factors.
Several psychologists have approached the phenomenon of love scientifically
and proposed several models of love.
The best-known is Robert Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love
He acknowledged the complexity of love and maintained that love does not
occur in a single form, but that it consists of three distinct components i.e.
passion, intimacy and commitment.
2
, Passion
(strong
physical
attrection)
Triangular
model of
love
Commitment Intimacy
(Decision to (self-disclosure,
spend time closeness,
together) conformation)
1. Passion:
Characterised by intense emotions that one feels towards another person
Occurs at the beginning of relationship, characterised by infatuation.
This refers to the state of being completely carried away, feeling of being ‘in
love’- physical attraction is central.
Creates feelings such excitement, ecstasy and euphoria.
Accompanied by feelings of excitement and happiness is a Strong sense of
uncertainty, anxiety and jealousy (because intimacy not established yet)
Passion or Infatuation - Short lived
Intimacy is more emotional
2. Intimacy:
Refers to the development of reciprocal trust, openness and acceptance of
each other
Implies an honest exchange of feelings, without the fear of being rejected.
Intimacy Is essential for a relationship to grow and develop and forms the
basis of close relationships, such as the marital relationship
3. Commitment:
As intimacy is established the 3rd component of love is commitment
Commitment is a conscious decision to maintain the love relationship, and to
care for and support each other
The relative presence or absence of the above-mentioned components
will develop into one of the following Types of love:
1. Liking
3
, Includes intimacy, while passion and commitment are absent
2. Infatuation:
Based on passion, but intimacy and commitment are lacking
3. Empty love:
Based on commitment to each other, but lacks passion and intimacy
4. Romantic love:
Includes passion and intimacy but excludes commitment
5. Fatuous love:
Based on passion and commitment but lacks intimacy
6. Companionate love:
Characterised by intimacy and commitment but lacks passion
7. Consummate love:
Characterised by Passion, intimacy and commitment
Not all 3 components will be equally strong during the total lifespan, certain shifts
can occur. Qualitative shift- shifts apply to all types of relationships and across all
age groups. Example, passion can diminish, while intimacy stabilisers and
commitment develops increasingly- doesn’t mean the relationship becomes less
happy or satisfactory.
Relationships based on one or two components at beginning are at risk.
With whom do people fall in love? Various theories:
The equity theory:
Suggests that close relationships or romances are formed (and also persist)
because the persons involved believe that what they are getting out of the
relationship is proportional to what they are putting into it.
Equity theory assumes that people calculate the costs and benefits involved in
interacting with others.
It is an economic theory and draws our attention to the kinds of things that
people give to and receive from another.
The assumption is that equitable relationships last and inequitable ones break
up. (e.g. Only one contributes to the relationship, while the other does not)
Criticised because it is based purely on mutual exchange – Compared to a
business deal.
Contradictory to what happens in a genuine relationship, where individuals
often sacrifice their own rewards for the good of their partners.
4
