Poetry: EXCUSES, EXCUSES!
Poetry: EXCUSES, EXCUSES!
Author: Gareth Owen
1 Late again, Blenkinsopp? Meaning: The teacher is irritated and suspicious.
Tone (teacher): Frustrated, accusing.
2 What’s the excuse this time? Theme: Power (teacher tries to assert authority).
Device: Repetition of questions → interrogation style.
3 Not my fault, sir. Meaning: Learner avoids responsibility and blames
4 Whose fault is it then? someone else.
Theme: Power – learner resists authority calmly.
5 Grandma’s, sir.
Device: Deflection; repetition of “sir” (false respect).
6 Grandma’s? What did she do? Humour: Ridiculous blaming already begins.
7 She died, sir. Meaning: Learner claims his grandmother has died.
8 Died? Device: Hyperbole – “seriously dead”
9 She’s seriously dead all right, sir. (over-exaggeration).
Tone (learner): Calm, sly, mocking.
Humour: Absurd emphasis on death.
1
0
That makes four grandmothers this term, Meaning: Teacher realises the excuse is frequently
Blenkinsopp. used.
1 And all on P.E. days. Theme: Conflict – teacher vs learner.
1
Comedy: Implied logic shows excuses are fake.
Power shift: Learner still remains in control.
1
2
I know. It’s very upsetting, sir. Meaning: Learner pretends to be sympathetic.
Device: Understatement – death described as merely
“upsetting”.
Tone: Sarcastic.
Humour: Fake seriousness.
1 How many grandmothers have you got,
3 Meaning: Learner contradicts himself without
Blenkinsopp?
concern.
1 Grandmothers, sir? None, sir.
4 Theme: Power – teacher is confused and out-argued.
1
5
You said you had four. Device: Repetition (“sir”).
1 All dead, sir. Humour: Logical nonsense.
6
1
7
And what about yesterday, Blenkinsopp?
1
8
What about yesterday, sir?
1
9
You were absent yesterday. Meaning: Learner invents another excuse.
2 That was the dentist, sir. Device: Sarcasm and comic misunderstanding.
0
Theme: Conflict – learner avoids accountability.
2 The dentist died?
1 Humour: Teacher’s literal response highlights
2
2
No, sir. My teeth, sir. absurdity.
2
3
You missed the maths test, Blenkinsopp! Meaning: Learner lies sarcastically.
Device: Sarcasm – no learner looks forward to a test.
2
4
I’d been looking forward to it, sir. Theme: Power – learner mocks authority safely.
Tone: Mocking, disrespectful in disguise.
2
5
Right, line up for P.E.
2
6
Can’t sir. Meaning: Learner resists instructions step by step.
2 No such words as ‘can’t’, Blenkinsopp. Theme: Conflict – rules vs freedom.
7 Humour: Back-and-forth contradiction.
2
8
No kit, sir. Power: Learner still not punished.
2
9
Where is it?
3
0
Home, sir.
3
1
What’s it doing at home? Meaning: Excuses become increasingly weak.
3 Not ironed, sir. Device: Repetition and circular reasoning.
2 Humour: Childish logic.
3
3
Couldn’t you iron it? Theme: Avoidance of responsibility.
3
4
Can’t sir.
3
5
Why not?
3
6
Bad hand, sir.
Meaning: The excuse returns full circle.
3 Who usually does it?
7 Device: Circular argument (everything leads back to
3
8
Grandma, sir. grandma).
3 Why couldn’t she do it? Theme: Conflict – learner wins.
9
Effect: Comic ending; teacher completely defeated.
4
0
Dead, sir.
Summary
The poem is a humorous dialogue between a teacher and a learner.
The teacher questions the learner about:
1
Poetry: EXCUSES, EXCUSES!
Author: Gareth Owen
1 Late again, Blenkinsopp? Meaning: The teacher is irritated and suspicious.
Tone (teacher): Frustrated, accusing.
2 What’s the excuse this time? Theme: Power (teacher tries to assert authority).
Device: Repetition of questions → interrogation style.
3 Not my fault, sir. Meaning: Learner avoids responsibility and blames
4 Whose fault is it then? someone else.
Theme: Power – learner resists authority calmly.
5 Grandma’s, sir.
Device: Deflection; repetition of “sir” (false respect).
6 Grandma’s? What did she do? Humour: Ridiculous blaming already begins.
7 She died, sir. Meaning: Learner claims his grandmother has died.
8 Died? Device: Hyperbole – “seriously dead”
9 She’s seriously dead all right, sir. (over-exaggeration).
Tone (learner): Calm, sly, mocking.
Humour: Absurd emphasis on death.
1
0
That makes four grandmothers this term, Meaning: Teacher realises the excuse is frequently
Blenkinsopp. used.
1 And all on P.E. days. Theme: Conflict – teacher vs learner.
1
Comedy: Implied logic shows excuses are fake.
Power shift: Learner still remains in control.
1
2
I know. It’s very upsetting, sir. Meaning: Learner pretends to be sympathetic.
Device: Understatement – death described as merely
“upsetting”.
Tone: Sarcastic.
Humour: Fake seriousness.
1 How many grandmothers have you got,
3 Meaning: Learner contradicts himself without
Blenkinsopp?
concern.
1 Grandmothers, sir? None, sir.
4 Theme: Power – teacher is confused and out-argued.
1
5
You said you had four. Device: Repetition (“sir”).
1 All dead, sir. Humour: Logical nonsense.
6
1
7
And what about yesterday, Blenkinsopp?
1
8
What about yesterday, sir?
1
9
You were absent yesterday. Meaning: Learner invents another excuse.
2 That was the dentist, sir. Device: Sarcasm and comic misunderstanding.
0
Theme: Conflict – learner avoids accountability.
2 The dentist died?
1 Humour: Teacher’s literal response highlights
2
2
No, sir. My teeth, sir. absurdity.
2
3
You missed the maths test, Blenkinsopp! Meaning: Learner lies sarcastically.
Device: Sarcasm – no learner looks forward to a test.
2
4
I’d been looking forward to it, sir. Theme: Power – learner mocks authority safely.
Tone: Mocking, disrespectful in disguise.
2
5
Right, line up for P.E.
2
6
Can’t sir. Meaning: Learner resists instructions step by step.
2 No such words as ‘can’t’, Blenkinsopp. Theme: Conflict – rules vs freedom.
7 Humour: Back-and-forth contradiction.
2
8
No kit, sir. Power: Learner still not punished.
2
9
Where is it?
3
0
Home, sir.
3
1
What’s it doing at home? Meaning: Excuses become increasingly weak.
3 Not ironed, sir. Device: Repetition and circular reasoning.
2 Humour: Childish logic.
3
3
Couldn’t you iron it? Theme: Avoidance of responsibility.
3
4
Can’t sir.
3
5
Why not?
3
6
Bad hand, sir.
Meaning: The excuse returns full circle.
3 Who usually does it?
7 Device: Circular argument (everything leads back to
3
8
Grandma, sir. grandma).
3 Why couldn’t she do it? Theme: Conflict – learner wins.
9
Effect: Comic ending; teacher completely defeated.
4
0
Dead, sir.
Summary
The poem is a humorous dialogue between a teacher and a learner.
The teacher questions the learner about:
1
