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War of the roses essay scoring 17/20

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I've attached this essay to show you how you don't actually need loads of evidence to get a high mark you just need to be specific with your evidence, its all about quality not quantity also the evidence on here is also on my revision sheets and it gives an example on how you can implement them and how if you know certain facts you can apply them to any question. Also hopefully you will be able to see my teacher's comments so you can see where the marks are coming from as its hard to understand that sometimes..... also don't judge my punctuation or gramma it was a timed essay :)

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February 8, 2024
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2020/2021
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‘The most important reason for Edward IV losing the throne in 1470 was the actions of
the Earl of Warwick.’

How far do you agree?


It could be argued that Edward IV’s downfall was due to Warwick’s change of allegiance
which was a major turning point in Edward losing the throne in 1470 due to his greed and
his attempts to cause disruption among England itself. Although, there is evidence to
suggest that it wasn’t just Warwick alone that allowed for this dethronement to occur as the
role of Louis XI had played an even greater role in Edward’s removal in terms of his strategic
planning which will be stated later on in this essay. But the most important reason was
Edward IV himself and his mistakes when it had come to ruling as that was where he had
created enemies (such as Warwick and Louis XI) by his own efforts. Commented [BNo1]: *Initial analysis of range of factors
*Assertion provided
*Third person used
Even though Warwick himself was a man with power and status and a dangerous enemy to
have one of the main reasons as to why Edward had lost the throne in 1470 was due to the
mastermind Louis XI. This is because it was Louis XI himself that had brought Margaret of
Anjou and Warwick to join forces in July 1470 through the betrothal of prince Edward and Commented [BNo2]: ‘P’
Anne Neville which had provided Warwick with the resources to dethrone Edward IV as he
now had an army and Henry VI who was an anointed King which is the greatest threat to Commented [BNo3]: T – use past tense
Edward in terms of succession. This is why Louis XI was such an important factor because he
had managed to bring two mortal enemies together which had created this game changer
and was ultimately the point where Edward losing the throne was inevitable. Commented [BNo4]: *Evaluation that supplements the
preceding analysis

Alternatively, even though Louis XI was the mastermind in uniting Warwick and Margaret of
Anjou which made Edward’s demise inevitable his plan would have never had worked if not
for Warwick’s presence. As there is evidence to suggest that Warwick was capable to remove Commented [BNo5]: *good transition from previous
Edward IV off the throne without the aid of others (e.g. Louis XI and Henry VI). This is because paragraph.

Warwick had already done that before exiling himself in 1470, he had done this in the battle
Commented [BNo6]: T - expression
of Edgecote in 1469 where Edward IV was captured and imprisoned in Warwick’s castle which
gave Warwick the power to rule. Despite Warwick releasing Edward the same year to put
down a Lancastrian rising in the north that Warwick could not bring down due to lack of noble
support suggests that if Warwick was able to remove Edward once he was capable to do it
again as the only reason as to why it failed was due to the lack of support. Therefore, meaning
that there was a possibility that Edward could be removed again which is a significant thing
in the terms of how powerful an enemy like Warwick was as he was able to capture the most
powerful man in the kingdom which undermines Edward IV position as king. Furthermore,
Warwick had implemented a series of schemes to contribute to Edward losing the throne as
in 1469 there was an uprising in Yorkshire that had been suggested that Warwick was apart
of and not even a year later in 1470 the Lincolnshire rebellion which was also inspired by
Warwick and the Duke of Clarence. Though, those rebellions weren’t a success it shows the
drive and determination Warwick has and by especially have the King’s younger brother
Clarence by his side further Justifies Warwick’s cause and continues to undermine Edward. Commented [BNo7]: *some valid analysis


Moreover, the most important reason as to why Edward IV had lost the throne was due to Commented [BNo8]: *evaluative statement, which is
consistent with assertion in introduction.
Edward IV himself. During his first reign Edward had made continuous severe mistakes that
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