Development of primary relationships:
Theme 1: definitions and theories
Impact of relationships on health
A primary relationship is a relationship that exists to the extent that two people exert strong,
frequent, and diverse effects on one another over an extended period of time.
1. Interdependence: two people depend on one another
2. Need fulfillment: needs should be fulfilled
3. Emotional effects: there should be an emotional connection between 2 people.
Why do we care about primary relationships?
Important for mental and physical health
o Social relationships of less quality
Die younger
More illness
Health conditions
Poor immune system, slower wound healing
People who remarry after divorce show better health
It does not matter how many times you remarry
*Most of this type of research is quite old* marriage was less equal
In general, marriage has benefits
Social selection hypothesis: mental health problems cause marriage breakdown
Social causation hypothesis: marriage breakdown causes mental health problems
Benefits of a good relationship on health are not only true for romantic relationships, but also for
good family relationships or friendships maintaining long lasting relationships
,Primary relationships are important for health, but when searching for social status and
acceptance more risk behavior
Forming new relationships is not necessarily good for physical health risk behavior
Determinants of relationships
Proximity
o Physical distance
o Functional distance
o True for youth and elderly
o True for friendships and romantic relationships
o Affects quality of relationships living close by receive higher score
Proximity is the most important factor in predicting if people become enemies
Is the importance of proximity diminishing? no, not for forming relationships
Similarity:
o ‘Birds of a feather flock together’
o Friends/partners similar in:
Demographics
Attitudes and values
Personality
Popularity
Physical attraction: matching hypothesis
Antisocial behavior and depression
true for partners and friends
Complementarity:
o Opposites attract?
o Little support
Only in case of dominance / submission
similarity prevails over complementarity
Attractiveness
o Physical attraction
o Beauty facilitates a social life
o Halo effect: ‘what is beautiful is good’
o Attractive children/adults are judged and treated more positively than unattractive
counterparts often have less same sex friends
o Reciprocal liking
We like people who express a liking for us (reciprocity effect)
o Self-fulfilling prophecy: transforming belief into actual reality
, o Complex effect: the people we like the most are those who we initially disliked
Competence
o We prefer people who are socially skilled, intelligent and competent
o What is beautiful is good
what is good is perceived as beautiful.
Theories of attraction
Reinforcement theory: people behave in ways that are rewarding and resist from behavior
with adverse consequences.
o Social exchange theory
Economic model
Maximize rewards and minimize costs
The most satisfying and long-lasting relationships are those that involve
the greatest rewards/lowest costs
Limitations:
o Humans are not rational
o We not only weigh the present, but also past and future
rewards and costs
o ‘Honeymoon period’ (start of a relationship) costs do
not affect the relationship too much
o Alternative relationships not considered
interdependence theory
o Interdependence theory
Two cost-benefit analysis
Comparison level: rewards we deserve (based social norms and personal
expectations)
Comparison level for alternatives: rewards and costs available from other
relationships
both used to determine the formation and maintenance of
relationships more nuanced than social exchange theory
o Equity theory
People will consider a relationship to be fair if what they gain from a
relationship reflects what they put in
Equity is not equality what one person puts in versus what they get out
of this relationship for themselves.
Someone can feel exploited
Someone can feel that they are taking advantage of the other
person
Limitations:
Relevant for high exchange orientation relationships (school/work)
Less relevant for low exchange orientation relationships (family
relationships – not keeping score)
Evolutionary theory: behavior evolved to maximize the likelihood that individuals can
pass on genes to next generations
, o Passing on our genes to the next generation
o Applies to romantic heterosexual relationships
o Beauty is a sign of health
o We like symmetry lack of symmetry leads to health issues
o Parental investment theory
Men and women differ in their parenting role and will thus use different
criteria for choosing a partner
Men focus on young women with a good hip ratio
Women look for men with high status
o Can explain differences in men and women with jealousy men are jealous of
status, women are jealous of attractiveness
o Love is a mechanism that increases our fitness as a species
o Limitations:
Research has mostly been done in student samples
Historical/cultural differences in partner selection
Is waist-to-hip ratio really that important?
Criteria in partner selection is dependent on the type of partner that one is
looking for (short-term vs long-term)
Predictive value (very hard to achieve)
Theme 2: Family relationships
Attachment across the life span
People develop beliefs about the nature of their relationships
Attachment styles (attachments representations) based on attachment related anxiety and
attachment related avoidance (increased need for being dependent)
Attachment related anxiety: stress when people are unavailable
Attachment related avoidance: increased need for being dependent
Preoccupied: going above and beyond to keep people in their lives feel people don’t care as
much about them as they do about others. People pleasers. Pay close attention to their partners
behavior scared their partners away
Dismissing-avoidant: positive view of themselves, negative view of others. Others are not
trustworthy, but they are capable of loving avoidant of intimate relationships. Very
independent. Uncomfortable asking for support
Fearful avoidant: strong desire to protect themselves and avoid relationships, but a strong desire
to be in a relationship. Desire to be in a relationship with others, but uncomfortable getting close
to others
Secure attachment representation creates a secure base (exploration system/function) and a
haven (fear system) from which you can build relationships.
Stability:
Theme 1: definitions and theories
Impact of relationships on health
A primary relationship is a relationship that exists to the extent that two people exert strong,
frequent, and diverse effects on one another over an extended period of time.
1. Interdependence: two people depend on one another
2. Need fulfillment: needs should be fulfilled
3. Emotional effects: there should be an emotional connection between 2 people.
Why do we care about primary relationships?
Important for mental and physical health
o Social relationships of less quality
Die younger
More illness
Health conditions
Poor immune system, slower wound healing
People who remarry after divorce show better health
It does not matter how many times you remarry
*Most of this type of research is quite old* marriage was less equal
In general, marriage has benefits
Social selection hypothesis: mental health problems cause marriage breakdown
Social causation hypothesis: marriage breakdown causes mental health problems
Benefits of a good relationship on health are not only true for romantic relationships, but also for
good family relationships or friendships maintaining long lasting relationships
,Primary relationships are important for health, but when searching for social status and
acceptance more risk behavior
Forming new relationships is not necessarily good for physical health risk behavior
Determinants of relationships
Proximity
o Physical distance
o Functional distance
o True for youth and elderly
o True for friendships and romantic relationships
o Affects quality of relationships living close by receive higher score
Proximity is the most important factor in predicting if people become enemies
Is the importance of proximity diminishing? no, not for forming relationships
Similarity:
o ‘Birds of a feather flock together’
o Friends/partners similar in:
Demographics
Attitudes and values
Personality
Popularity
Physical attraction: matching hypothesis
Antisocial behavior and depression
true for partners and friends
Complementarity:
o Opposites attract?
o Little support
Only in case of dominance / submission
similarity prevails over complementarity
Attractiveness
o Physical attraction
o Beauty facilitates a social life
o Halo effect: ‘what is beautiful is good’
o Attractive children/adults are judged and treated more positively than unattractive
counterparts often have less same sex friends
o Reciprocal liking
We like people who express a liking for us (reciprocity effect)
o Self-fulfilling prophecy: transforming belief into actual reality
, o Complex effect: the people we like the most are those who we initially disliked
Competence
o We prefer people who are socially skilled, intelligent and competent
o What is beautiful is good
what is good is perceived as beautiful.
Theories of attraction
Reinforcement theory: people behave in ways that are rewarding and resist from behavior
with adverse consequences.
o Social exchange theory
Economic model
Maximize rewards and minimize costs
The most satisfying and long-lasting relationships are those that involve
the greatest rewards/lowest costs
Limitations:
o Humans are not rational
o We not only weigh the present, but also past and future
rewards and costs
o ‘Honeymoon period’ (start of a relationship) costs do
not affect the relationship too much
o Alternative relationships not considered
interdependence theory
o Interdependence theory
Two cost-benefit analysis
Comparison level: rewards we deserve (based social norms and personal
expectations)
Comparison level for alternatives: rewards and costs available from other
relationships
both used to determine the formation and maintenance of
relationships more nuanced than social exchange theory
o Equity theory
People will consider a relationship to be fair if what they gain from a
relationship reflects what they put in
Equity is not equality what one person puts in versus what they get out
of this relationship for themselves.
Someone can feel exploited
Someone can feel that they are taking advantage of the other
person
Limitations:
Relevant for high exchange orientation relationships (school/work)
Less relevant for low exchange orientation relationships (family
relationships – not keeping score)
Evolutionary theory: behavior evolved to maximize the likelihood that individuals can
pass on genes to next generations
, o Passing on our genes to the next generation
o Applies to romantic heterosexual relationships
o Beauty is a sign of health
o We like symmetry lack of symmetry leads to health issues
o Parental investment theory
Men and women differ in their parenting role and will thus use different
criteria for choosing a partner
Men focus on young women with a good hip ratio
Women look for men with high status
o Can explain differences in men and women with jealousy men are jealous of
status, women are jealous of attractiveness
o Love is a mechanism that increases our fitness as a species
o Limitations:
Research has mostly been done in student samples
Historical/cultural differences in partner selection
Is waist-to-hip ratio really that important?
Criteria in partner selection is dependent on the type of partner that one is
looking for (short-term vs long-term)
Predictive value (very hard to achieve)
Theme 2: Family relationships
Attachment across the life span
People develop beliefs about the nature of their relationships
Attachment styles (attachments representations) based on attachment related anxiety and
attachment related avoidance (increased need for being dependent)
Attachment related anxiety: stress when people are unavailable
Attachment related avoidance: increased need for being dependent
Preoccupied: going above and beyond to keep people in their lives feel people don’t care as
much about them as they do about others. People pleasers. Pay close attention to their partners
behavior scared their partners away
Dismissing-avoidant: positive view of themselves, negative view of others. Others are not
trustworthy, but they are capable of loving avoidant of intimate relationships. Very
independent. Uncomfortable asking for support
Fearful avoidant: strong desire to protect themselves and avoid relationships, but a strong desire
to be in a relationship. Desire to be in a relationship with others, but uncomfortable getting close
to others
Secure attachment representation creates a secure base (exploration system/function) and a
haven (fear system) from which you can build relationships.
Stability:
