Love and sex – Judtih Dubas
None of the following research results in this lectures is totally representive (bias). Some are
not in a relationship, some have cultural norms, some lie.
Part 1: love
Adolescent romance: setting the stage & definitions
Theoretical perspectives
Methodological issues
Adolescent romance
Daydreaming about the person in front of you in class with whom you have never
spoken
Claims to have a boyfriend, but denied by the boy. Some might not even know they
are in a relationship, even though the other person say they are.
Talk on phone everyday (or texting), but never seen in public together for fear of
being ridiculed
Going together but only spend time together with other members of their crowd. Not
going out by the two of them.
Going steady for 3 years (the “real” thing)
Fantasies to interactions to relationships = romantic experiences
Romance
Love or romance is central theme in 68% of pop Music
Dating or romance is one of top 5 script themes for adolescent characters on TV
Adolescent girls attribute 34% of their strong emotions to real or fantasized
heterosexual relationships
Adolescent boys 25%
o Substantially higher than any other topic
Organizing principles of peer culture (who likes whom, who dates whom?)
Focal topic of conversation in their leisure time
Last lecture: peer relations. Adolescent romantic relations are the most important!
Most of the focus goes to sexual relationships, not romantic relationships.
Romantic relationship
Romantic relationship = mutually acknowledged ongoing voluntary interactions.
Compared to other peer relationships, romantic ones typically have a distinctive
intensity, commonly marked by expressions of affection and current or anticipated
sexual behavior.
Applies to same-gender, as well as mixed-gender, relationships.
Romantic experiences
Refers to activities and processes that include romantic relationships and also
behavioral, cognitive, and emotional phenomena that do not involve direct
experiences with a romantic partner.
Includes (which we don’t always measure in research):
o Fantasies and one-sided attractions (“crushes”)
o Interactions with potential romantic partners (including flirting)
o Brief, nonromantic sexual encounters (e.g., “hooking up,” or casual
involvement in activities usually thought to take place with romantic partners,
from “making out” to intercourse)
, Adolescent romance
Focus from parents to age-peers.
Romantic relationships support the development of interpersonal skills, and promote
a sense of identity.
Experiment with romantic relations (learning how to interact, differently from friends)
o May facilitate healthy relations in adulthood.
Opportunities to gain skills in the expression and regulation of emotions, empathy and
intimacy
Developmental progression of romantic and sexual interest and behavior
8-11 (Pre and early puberty) adrenarche (APG-axis)
o Increase of testosteron
First crush
Sexual attraction
Sexual arousal
More awareness of social rules
12-17 mid and late pubery
Gender intensification (boys and girls people starts to develop like a girly girl, or
tombot etc.)
Gender binary
Conformity increases and then subsides
Romantic relationships
Duration longer
More intense
Some life-long partners (high school sweethearts)
Sexual experiences increase
Intimacy as an adolescent issue
Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge
Characteristics of true intimacy:
o Openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust (we have this as well in
friendships)
Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of
o Puberty (pubertal changes!)
o Cognitive changes
o Social changes
De intimiteit die we hebben met same sex peers helps us to learn how to be intimate with a
romantic partner.
What is intimacy?
Intimacy involves a relationship where two or more people reveal personal thoughts
and information about each other.
Comfortable revealing themselves in an intimate relationship
o Feel comfort and support from the other person
o Intimicy versus isolation: identity comes before intimicy
o Je moet jezelf kennen, voordat je jezelf kunt blootgeven
Physical closeness usually comes along with intimacy
None of the following research results in this lectures is totally representive (bias). Some are
not in a relationship, some have cultural norms, some lie.
Part 1: love
Adolescent romance: setting the stage & definitions
Theoretical perspectives
Methodological issues
Adolescent romance
Daydreaming about the person in front of you in class with whom you have never
spoken
Claims to have a boyfriend, but denied by the boy. Some might not even know they
are in a relationship, even though the other person say they are.
Talk on phone everyday (or texting), but never seen in public together for fear of
being ridiculed
Going together but only spend time together with other members of their crowd. Not
going out by the two of them.
Going steady for 3 years (the “real” thing)
Fantasies to interactions to relationships = romantic experiences
Romance
Love or romance is central theme in 68% of pop Music
Dating or romance is one of top 5 script themes for adolescent characters on TV
Adolescent girls attribute 34% of their strong emotions to real or fantasized
heterosexual relationships
Adolescent boys 25%
o Substantially higher than any other topic
Organizing principles of peer culture (who likes whom, who dates whom?)
Focal topic of conversation in their leisure time
Last lecture: peer relations. Adolescent romantic relations are the most important!
Most of the focus goes to sexual relationships, not romantic relationships.
Romantic relationship
Romantic relationship = mutually acknowledged ongoing voluntary interactions.
Compared to other peer relationships, romantic ones typically have a distinctive
intensity, commonly marked by expressions of affection and current or anticipated
sexual behavior.
Applies to same-gender, as well as mixed-gender, relationships.
Romantic experiences
Refers to activities and processes that include romantic relationships and also
behavioral, cognitive, and emotional phenomena that do not involve direct
experiences with a romantic partner.
Includes (which we don’t always measure in research):
o Fantasies and one-sided attractions (“crushes”)
o Interactions with potential romantic partners (including flirting)
o Brief, nonromantic sexual encounters (e.g., “hooking up,” or casual
involvement in activities usually thought to take place with romantic partners,
from “making out” to intercourse)
, Adolescent romance
Focus from parents to age-peers.
Romantic relationships support the development of interpersonal skills, and promote
a sense of identity.
Experiment with romantic relations (learning how to interact, differently from friends)
o May facilitate healthy relations in adulthood.
Opportunities to gain skills in the expression and regulation of emotions, empathy and
intimacy
Developmental progression of romantic and sexual interest and behavior
8-11 (Pre and early puberty) adrenarche (APG-axis)
o Increase of testosteron
First crush
Sexual attraction
Sexual arousal
More awareness of social rules
12-17 mid and late pubery
Gender intensification (boys and girls people starts to develop like a girly girl, or
tombot etc.)
Gender binary
Conformity increases and then subsides
Romantic relationships
Duration longer
More intense
Some life-long partners (high school sweethearts)
Sexual experiences increase
Intimacy as an adolescent issue
Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge
Characteristics of true intimacy:
o Openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust (we have this as well in
friendships)
Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of
o Puberty (pubertal changes!)
o Cognitive changes
o Social changes
De intimiteit die we hebben met same sex peers helps us to learn how to be intimate with a
romantic partner.
What is intimacy?
Intimacy involves a relationship where two or more people reveal personal thoughts
and information about each other.
Comfortable revealing themselves in an intimate relationship
o Feel comfort and support from the other person
o Intimicy versus isolation: identity comes before intimicy
o Je moet jezelf kennen, voordat je jezelf kunt blootgeven
Physical closeness usually comes along with intimacy
