Thema 7 – All you need is love
[Kassin]
Chapter 9 (356-411)
Need to belong: a fundamental human motive
- The need to belong runs deep, which is why people get very distressed when they are
neglected by others , rejected excluded, stigmatised or ostracised. All forms of social death.
- Social anxiety disorder: characterizes by intense feelings of discomfort in situations that invite
public scrutiny
- People who have a network of close social ties (lovers friends, family members, coworkers)
have higher self-esteem and greater satisfaction in life compared to those who live more
isolated lives.
- People who are socially connected rather than isolated are also physically healthier and less
likely to die a premature death.
- Research shows that people can even draw the motivation to achieve success from their
connections with others.
The thrill of affiliation
- Need for affiliation: a desire to establish social contact with others.
- College students carried portable beepers for 4 days. Whenever the beeper went off (every
hour), the students wrote down whether at the time they were actually alone or in the company
of other people and whether they wanted to be alone or with others. Results showed that
students were in the state they desired two-thirds of the time. Whether it was solitude or social
contact that the students sought, they successfully managed to regulate their own personal
needs for affiliation.
- One condition that strongly arouses our need for affiliation is stress.
- When we face embarrassment, being with others is more likely to increase our stress than
reduce it.
- Research suggests that people facing an imminent threat seek each other out in order to gain
cognitive clarity about the danger they are in.
- Schachter (1959) noted that misery loves miserable company. -> Gump and Kulik (1997)
further amended this assertion: ‘misery loves the company of those in the same miserable
situation.’
- Stress is not the only state of mind that inspires people to affiliate. Cacioppo a.o. (2015) have
noted that being alone – and feeling lonely – motivates people of all ages to connect with
others in order to satisfy a ‘reaffiliation motive’
- Case a.o. (2015) theorizes that individuals who lack power and influence also feel a need to
seek out other people.
- Stress, loneliness and a lack of power are among the states of mind that inspire social
affiliation.
The agony of loneliness
- For people who’s shyness is extreme, the result is a pattern of risk avoidance that can set them
up for umpleasant and unrewarding interactions.
- Interpersonal problems of the past can ignite social anxieties about the future.
- Loneliness: a feeling of deprivation about existing social relations. There are three dimensions
of loneliness: intimate, relational and collective.
- Intimate loneliness is felt when someone wants but does not have a spouse, s.o., or bestfriend
to rely on for emotional support, especially during personal crises.
- Rational loneliness is felt when someone wants but lacks friendships from school and work
and family connections.
- Collective loneliness comes from remote relationships and the social identities we derive
from. The more voluntary associations we have, the lower one’s collective loneliness.
[Kassin]
Chapter 9 (356-411)
Need to belong: a fundamental human motive
- The need to belong runs deep, which is why people get very distressed when they are
neglected by others , rejected excluded, stigmatised or ostracised. All forms of social death.
- Social anxiety disorder: characterizes by intense feelings of discomfort in situations that invite
public scrutiny
- People who have a network of close social ties (lovers friends, family members, coworkers)
have higher self-esteem and greater satisfaction in life compared to those who live more
isolated lives.
- People who are socially connected rather than isolated are also physically healthier and less
likely to die a premature death.
- Research shows that people can even draw the motivation to achieve success from their
connections with others.
The thrill of affiliation
- Need for affiliation: a desire to establish social contact with others.
- College students carried portable beepers for 4 days. Whenever the beeper went off (every
hour), the students wrote down whether at the time they were actually alone or in the company
of other people and whether they wanted to be alone or with others. Results showed that
students were in the state they desired two-thirds of the time. Whether it was solitude or social
contact that the students sought, they successfully managed to regulate their own personal
needs for affiliation.
- One condition that strongly arouses our need for affiliation is stress.
- When we face embarrassment, being with others is more likely to increase our stress than
reduce it.
- Research suggests that people facing an imminent threat seek each other out in order to gain
cognitive clarity about the danger they are in.
- Schachter (1959) noted that misery loves miserable company. -> Gump and Kulik (1997)
further amended this assertion: ‘misery loves the company of those in the same miserable
situation.’
- Stress is not the only state of mind that inspires people to affiliate. Cacioppo a.o. (2015) have
noted that being alone – and feeling lonely – motivates people of all ages to connect with
others in order to satisfy a ‘reaffiliation motive’
- Case a.o. (2015) theorizes that individuals who lack power and influence also feel a need to
seek out other people.
- Stress, loneliness and a lack of power are among the states of mind that inspire social
affiliation.
The agony of loneliness
- For people who’s shyness is extreme, the result is a pattern of risk avoidance that can set them
up for umpleasant and unrewarding interactions.
- Interpersonal problems of the past can ignite social anxieties about the future.
- Loneliness: a feeling of deprivation about existing social relations. There are three dimensions
of loneliness: intimate, relational and collective.
- Intimate loneliness is felt when someone wants but does not have a spouse, s.o., or bestfriend
to rely on for emotional support, especially during personal crises.
- Rational loneliness is felt when someone wants but lacks friendships from school and work
and family connections.
- Collective loneliness comes from remote relationships and the social identities we derive
from. The more voluntary associations we have, the lower one’s collective loneliness.
