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AQA English Language Original Writing Exemplar

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These documents are exemplars for the Original Writing NEA for AQA A level English Language. It includes an Original Writing piece (for The Power of Storytelling) and an accompanying commentary that achieved full marks. This will be a useful resource for any English Language students in need of a successful example to help them while writing their coursework.

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My original writing is the opening of a children’s fantasy novel. The style
model is part of the 1st chapter of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by
C.S Lewis and it is set in 1940 England. Lewis’ target audience are children
in the 1950s and according to BookTrust it is accessible to an age range of
9 and above (BookTrust, 2025). My contemporary audience will be the
same age as the style model’s audience. Lewis’ purpose was to create an
engaging fantasy story for children that allowed them to learn a Christian
moral message. I also had this purpose.

The style model’s title (“Lucy Looks into a Wardrobe”) makes the readers
look forward to knowing the significance of the concrete noun “wardrobe”,
engaging readers from the beginning. I employed a similar technique by
including a concrete noun phrase (“red doors”). I decided to not describe
the fantasy world because I wanted to focus on the characters which play
an essential part in portraying the message; the audience must engage
with them from the start. The style model opens with “Once there were
four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy”, a
traditional fairy-tale opening employing deixis. This effectively appeals to
readers because it is a style all children will recognise and the association
with fairy tales is useful for a fantasy as they invite imagination. I opened
my piece in a similar way (“There was once a group of triplets called
Jasper, James and Josie”). Lewis mentions that the Pevensies “were sent
away from London during the war because of the air-raids”. He uses a
homophoric reference (“the war”) which highlights an experience the
children are likely aware of. Similarly, I used the pandemic (“a nasty
virus”) as a homophoric reference. The audience is immersed effectively
because they have lived through the pandemic; they can understand what
the characters are going through.

The third-person omniscient narrator is evident in the use of brackets and
relative clauses throughout the text e.g. “who was tired and pretending
not be tired”, “who was the youngest”. The voice of the author seems to
mimic that of a parent/ grandparent especially as some extra information
can be seen as responses to a young child’s question e.g. “Their names
were Ivy, Margaret and Betty, but they do not come into the story much”
as a response to “What were the servants names?”. This is an effective
technique because it positions the younger audience (who likely have the
experience of an adult/ older sibling reading to them) to trust the narrator
and therefore believe the moral message being portrayed. It also allows
Lewis’ work to remain timeless as any reader can develop a personal
connection to the narrator. This is not patronising, so older readers don’t
feel alienated. Therefore, I decided to also use this technique. This is
shown in the relative clause “who always took Jasper’s line of thinking”. I
decided to further develop this technique. In “I will not bore you with a

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Uploaded on
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Written in
2025/2026
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