SUUR-
LEM+
OEN!
A story about rock, love and a garden gnome
CHAPTER 1: MOZART MET LIPSTICK
We meet Tiaan, who is the main character and narrator, and his best friend,
Zane. Zane picked up a lipstick, Revlon Passion Fruit, before school started
that day and he had been thinking about what he could do with it since
then.
When the bell rang for second break (pouse), juffrou Pienaar, asked if Tiaan
could please give meneer Marx, the music teacher, an envelope. There is a
story doing the rounds that mnr. Marx and juf. Pienaar kissed one night at a
sokkie (dance) when they were supposed to chaperone.
When Tiaan knocks on mnr. Marx’s door, there is no answer, so he and Zane
decide to let themselves in anyway. Zane decides to put some of the lipstick
on a Mozart statue that was standing on mnr. Marx’s desk. Suddenly mnr.
Marx enters the classroom and Tiaan notices how messy his hair is: almost like
Beethoven’s.
Mnr. Marx then coughs and asks
Zane to please not drop the Mozart statue Note to self:
because of 2 reasons: Keep Zane away
he bought it in Austria (Oostenryk) from lipstick in
and it cost him a fortune.
the future.
He then politely asks the two friends to come
see him after school.
CHAPTER 2: ORKESOEFENING (ORCHESTRA PRACTISE)
Tiaan tells the reader that he and Zane have been friends since grade 3.
School’s finished and they are entering mnr. Marx’s classroom where the
school orchestra (skoolorkes) is busy practising. Mnr. Marx smiles when they
enter and thanks them for giving him a great introduction to his lesson on
postmodernism the following day. He asks the class then if anyone knows
what postmodernism means and Liezl Kritzinger puts up her hand. Tiaan
describes her as possibly the most beautiful girl in grade 10 and also the
smartest one. Mnr. Marx then asks the two boys what type of music they are
into and they answer rock music. He asks them to be specific: alternative
PROPERTY OF M SOUNES NO UNAUTHORISED SHARING, COPYING OR DISTRIBUTION ALLOWED 1
,rock? Punk rock? Blues rock? Grunge rock? Post-grunge? Metal? Goth
metal? Nu metal? And by doing this, he shows that he is more than just the
stereotypical music teacher who is just interested in classical music.
Then Frik van Tonder, the fullback of the first rugby team, shouts from the
back of the class that Tiaan and Zane have a band. When asked what the
band’s name is, Zane answers “Bosvark” and Tiaan says “Hardeskyf”, but the
funny thing was that they answered at the same time and this makes the
whole class burst out laughing.
Mnr. Marx says they can leave, but then remembers that he received some
information about a rock competition for school bands called Rumoer. He
would like Tiaan and Zane to enter.
CHAPTER 3: PAUSE. REWIND
This is an interlude and Tiaan tells the reader about his love of music in this
chapter. He took music for three years when he was in primary school, but
gave it up when he realized his music teacher was never going to teach him
how to play anything from Maroon 5, 30 Seconds to Mars, U2 or Linkin Park.
Zane and Tiaan have been playing together for about a year or so every
week in Tiaan’s garage: both play the guitar and mostly rock songs. They
have never had a gig before but once tried making an advertisement for
more bandmembers long ago, mostly the advertisement asked for a
drummer to join the band. The advertisements seemed so stupid that they
never placed them. They also never got around to naming their “band”
even.
CHAPTER 4: PLAY
Zane is enjoying all the attention they’re getting from the school orchestra
and he tells mnr. Marx that they need a drummer and vocalist. Tiaan is
embarrassed and just wants to leave, but mnr. Marx then asks if they have
had auditions yet and then says they can use
the classroom next door to have the auditions,
Note to self:
music classrooms if they want. Zane asks if they can have the
are one of the auditions then on Thursday and he seems very
most dangerous chuffed with himself when he turns around to
places on earth. the school orchestra and invites them all to
come try out for their band.
CHAPTER 5: SELFPORTRET
Tiaan is busy taking selfies in this chapter with the digital camera that he got
PROPERTY OF M SOUNES NO UNAUTHORISED SHARING, COPYING OR DISTRIBUTION ALLOWED 2
, for his birthday the previous month. He thinks about putting all the different
selfies together, having an exhibition and calling it something like: Tiaan
Fourie, a self-portrait in twenty parts. Or: Pieces of a sixteen-year-old. Or
maybe: Tiaan Fourie – 16, single and so bored that he tries to take pictures of
himself with his digital camera.
Zane arrives unexpectedly and makes fun of Tiaan taking pictures of himself.
Tiaan says he has to find some form of entertainment because after what
happened at school, he is never leaving his room again. Zane is such an
optimist because he says to Tiaan if he never put the lipstick on Bach (Tiaan
corrects him by saying it’s Mozart), then they would never have gotten the
opportunity to have auditions for bandmembers on Thursday, entering a
battle of the bands competition and the cherry on the cake was the fact
that Liezl Kritzinger smiled at him. When Tiaan says she was actually laughing
AT him and not WITH him, Zane shrugs it off and says it’s a start.
CHAPTER 6: KENNISGEWINGS (NOTICES)
Zane decided that it was his duty to make notices and put them up all over
school to tell people about the auditions. Tiaan points out that there is a
spelling mistake with “oudiesies”: it’s meant to be “oudisies” with just one “e”
in the word. Zane tells Tiaan to lighten up and when Tiaan asks Zane if he ever
thought of the fact that Tiaan doesn’t want to be in a band, Zane smiles and
says he knows Tiaan too well and that he doesn’t need to hide the fact
about how excited he is of the prospect of being in a band. Tiaan just takes
his bike and some of the flyers because it doesn’t help arguing with Zane.
There is another mistake on the flyer: Zane never specified a date for the
auditions but merely wrote: “When: tomorrow after school”
CHAPTER 7: ZANE SE VERDIENDE LOON (ZANE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES)
That Thursday morning before school, Tiaan regrets the fact that his father is a
doctor because it’s impossible to play sick when your dad knows every illness
in the book.
Tiaan was super surprised when he found out that Zane actually organized a
drum kit from mnr. Marx the day before because Zane never thinks about
stuff like that.
When the bell rings, they go and wait in the classroom for people to come
and audition but after 20 minutes no one has pitched. Tiaan feels sorry for
Zane because he seems genuinely disappointed by this and tries to cheer
him up by pointing out the fact that Zane never wrote down a date for the
auditions, but suddenly Zane jumps up and points out the fact that there are
a whole class full of musicians next door and that they should take the
auditions to them!
PROPERTY OF M SOUNES NO UNAUTHORISED SHARING, COPYING OR DISTRIBUTION ALLOWED 3
LEM+
OEN!
A story about rock, love and a garden gnome
CHAPTER 1: MOZART MET LIPSTICK
We meet Tiaan, who is the main character and narrator, and his best friend,
Zane. Zane picked up a lipstick, Revlon Passion Fruit, before school started
that day and he had been thinking about what he could do with it since
then.
When the bell rang for second break (pouse), juffrou Pienaar, asked if Tiaan
could please give meneer Marx, the music teacher, an envelope. There is a
story doing the rounds that mnr. Marx and juf. Pienaar kissed one night at a
sokkie (dance) when they were supposed to chaperone.
When Tiaan knocks on mnr. Marx’s door, there is no answer, so he and Zane
decide to let themselves in anyway. Zane decides to put some of the lipstick
on a Mozart statue that was standing on mnr. Marx’s desk. Suddenly mnr.
Marx enters the classroom and Tiaan notices how messy his hair is: almost like
Beethoven’s.
Mnr. Marx then coughs and asks
Zane to please not drop the Mozart statue Note to self:
because of 2 reasons: Keep Zane away
he bought it in Austria (Oostenryk) from lipstick in
and it cost him a fortune.
the future.
He then politely asks the two friends to come
see him after school.
CHAPTER 2: ORKESOEFENING (ORCHESTRA PRACTISE)
Tiaan tells the reader that he and Zane have been friends since grade 3.
School’s finished and they are entering mnr. Marx’s classroom where the
school orchestra (skoolorkes) is busy practising. Mnr. Marx smiles when they
enter and thanks them for giving him a great introduction to his lesson on
postmodernism the following day. He asks the class then if anyone knows
what postmodernism means and Liezl Kritzinger puts up her hand. Tiaan
describes her as possibly the most beautiful girl in grade 10 and also the
smartest one. Mnr. Marx then asks the two boys what type of music they are
into and they answer rock music. He asks them to be specific: alternative
PROPERTY OF M SOUNES NO UNAUTHORISED SHARING, COPYING OR DISTRIBUTION ALLOWED 1
,rock? Punk rock? Blues rock? Grunge rock? Post-grunge? Metal? Goth
metal? Nu metal? And by doing this, he shows that he is more than just the
stereotypical music teacher who is just interested in classical music.
Then Frik van Tonder, the fullback of the first rugby team, shouts from the
back of the class that Tiaan and Zane have a band. When asked what the
band’s name is, Zane answers “Bosvark” and Tiaan says “Hardeskyf”, but the
funny thing was that they answered at the same time and this makes the
whole class burst out laughing.
Mnr. Marx says they can leave, but then remembers that he received some
information about a rock competition for school bands called Rumoer. He
would like Tiaan and Zane to enter.
CHAPTER 3: PAUSE. REWIND
This is an interlude and Tiaan tells the reader about his love of music in this
chapter. He took music for three years when he was in primary school, but
gave it up when he realized his music teacher was never going to teach him
how to play anything from Maroon 5, 30 Seconds to Mars, U2 or Linkin Park.
Zane and Tiaan have been playing together for about a year or so every
week in Tiaan’s garage: both play the guitar and mostly rock songs. They
have never had a gig before but once tried making an advertisement for
more bandmembers long ago, mostly the advertisement asked for a
drummer to join the band. The advertisements seemed so stupid that they
never placed them. They also never got around to naming their “band”
even.
CHAPTER 4: PLAY
Zane is enjoying all the attention they’re getting from the school orchestra
and he tells mnr. Marx that they need a drummer and vocalist. Tiaan is
embarrassed and just wants to leave, but mnr. Marx then asks if they have
had auditions yet and then says they can use
the classroom next door to have the auditions,
Note to self:
music classrooms if they want. Zane asks if they can have the
are one of the auditions then on Thursday and he seems very
most dangerous chuffed with himself when he turns around to
places on earth. the school orchestra and invites them all to
come try out for their band.
CHAPTER 5: SELFPORTRET
Tiaan is busy taking selfies in this chapter with the digital camera that he got
PROPERTY OF M SOUNES NO UNAUTHORISED SHARING, COPYING OR DISTRIBUTION ALLOWED 2
, for his birthday the previous month. He thinks about putting all the different
selfies together, having an exhibition and calling it something like: Tiaan
Fourie, a self-portrait in twenty parts. Or: Pieces of a sixteen-year-old. Or
maybe: Tiaan Fourie – 16, single and so bored that he tries to take pictures of
himself with his digital camera.
Zane arrives unexpectedly and makes fun of Tiaan taking pictures of himself.
Tiaan says he has to find some form of entertainment because after what
happened at school, he is never leaving his room again. Zane is such an
optimist because he says to Tiaan if he never put the lipstick on Bach (Tiaan
corrects him by saying it’s Mozart), then they would never have gotten the
opportunity to have auditions for bandmembers on Thursday, entering a
battle of the bands competition and the cherry on the cake was the fact
that Liezl Kritzinger smiled at him. When Tiaan says she was actually laughing
AT him and not WITH him, Zane shrugs it off and says it’s a start.
CHAPTER 6: KENNISGEWINGS (NOTICES)
Zane decided that it was his duty to make notices and put them up all over
school to tell people about the auditions. Tiaan points out that there is a
spelling mistake with “oudiesies”: it’s meant to be “oudisies” with just one “e”
in the word. Zane tells Tiaan to lighten up and when Tiaan asks Zane if he ever
thought of the fact that Tiaan doesn’t want to be in a band, Zane smiles and
says he knows Tiaan too well and that he doesn’t need to hide the fact
about how excited he is of the prospect of being in a band. Tiaan just takes
his bike and some of the flyers because it doesn’t help arguing with Zane.
There is another mistake on the flyer: Zane never specified a date for the
auditions but merely wrote: “When: tomorrow after school”
CHAPTER 7: ZANE SE VERDIENDE LOON (ZANE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES)
That Thursday morning before school, Tiaan regrets the fact that his father is a
doctor because it’s impossible to play sick when your dad knows every illness
in the book.
Tiaan was super surprised when he found out that Zane actually organized a
drum kit from mnr. Marx the day before because Zane never thinks about
stuff like that.
When the bell rings, they go and wait in the classroom for people to come
and audition but after 20 minutes no one has pitched. Tiaan feels sorry for
Zane because he seems genuinely disappointed by this and tries to cheer
him up by pointing out the fact that Zane never wrote down a date for the
auditions, but suddenly Zane jumps up and points out the fact that there are
a whole class full of musicians next door and that they should take the
auditions to them!
PROPERTY OF M SOUNES NO UNAUTHORISED SHARING, COPYING OR DISTRIBUTION ALLOWED 3
