LECTURE 9. LOVE AND SEX
ADOLESCENT ROMANCE: SETTING THE STAGE AND DEFINITIONS
Adolescent romance
● Daydreaming about the person in front of you in class with whom you have never
spoken.
● Claims to have a boyfriend, but denied by the boy.
● Talk on the phone everyday (or texting), but never seen in public together for fear of
being ridiculed.
● Going together but only spending time together with other members of their crowds.
● Going steady for 3 years (the “real” thing).
Fantasies to interactions to relationships = romantic experiences.
Romantic relationship
● Romantic relationship: mutually acknowledged ongoing voluntary interactions.
● Compared to other peer relationships, romantic ones typically have a distinctive
intensity, commonly marked by expressions of affection and current or anticipated
sexual behavior.
● Applies to same-gender, as well as mixed-gender relationships.
Romantic experiences
● Refers to activities and processes that include romantic relationships and also
behavioral, cognitive, and emotional phenomena that do not involve direct
experiences with a romantic partner.
● Includes:
○ Fantasies and one-sided attractions (“crushes).
○ Interactions with potential romantic partners (including flirting).
○ Brief, non-romantic sexual encounters (e.g., hooking up, or causal
involvement in activities usually through to take place with romantic partners,
from making out to intercourse).
Adolescent romance
● Romantic relationships support the development of interpersonal skills, and promote
a sense of identity.
● Experiment with romantic relationships.
○ May facilitate healthy relations in adulthood.
● Opportunities to gain skills in the expression and regulation of emotions, empathy
and intimacy.
Developmental progression of romatnic and sexual interst and behavior
8-11 (pre and early-puberty) adrenarche
● First crush.
● Sexual attraction.
● Sexual arousal.
● More awareness of social rules.
12-17 mid and late puberty
● Gender intensification.
, ○ Gender binary.
○ Conformity increases and then subsides.
● Romantic relationships.
○ Duration longer.
○ More intense.
○ Some life-long partners.
● Sexual experiences increse.
Intimacy as an adolescent issue
● Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge.
● Characteristics of true intimacy:
○ Openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust.
● Intimacy becomes an important concern due to change of:
○ Puberty.
○ Cognitive changes.
○ Social changes.
What is intimacy?
● Intimacy involves a relationship where two or more people reveal personal thoughts
and information about each other.
● Comfortable revealing themselves in an intimate relationship.
○ Feel comfort and support from the other person.
● Physical closeness usually comes along with intimacy.
○ Hugging and touching.
How does intimacy develop in adolescent friendships?
● Intimate friendships are defined as “the ability to share one’s thoughts and feelings
with a friend”.
● Intimate friendships become more common in adolescence.
○ Feel it is safer to reveal things to their friends.
● Adolescents seek approval from adults.
○ Therefore, they are less inclined to reveal things.
○ Fear of being looked upon as childish.
● Adolescents look for intimate relationships with other adolescents.
○ Feel that others their own age are going through similar experiences and will
be able to relate.
● Intimacy in a romantic relationships differs from a friendship becase of the added
sexual interest.
● Emotional intimacy increases with age and experience with relationships; first
romantic relationships have very little intimacy.
● Adolescents learn how to express and deal with their sexual identities by discussion
with their friends.
RESERACH ON EARLY DATING AND CASUAL SEX
Dating
● What is a date? A social engagement between young people with no commitment
beyond the expectation that is fun for both.
, ● Factors related to dating frequency:
○ Liked by peers.
○ Large number of close other-sex friends > larger network of other-sex
members > increased likelihood of romantic relations.
○ Age: older = more.
Dating relationships
Serve many purposes, besides developing intimacy.
● Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents.
● Furthering development of gender identity.
● Learning about oneself as a romantic partner (self concept).
● Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in the peer group.
Prevalence
Romantic relationships are very common, the past 18 months.
● 25% of 12-year-olds reported having one.
● 50% of 15-year-olds.
● 70% of 18-year-olds.
● 80% ever.
Not trivial
● Early adolescence (25% daters)
○ 80% thought of themselves as a couple.
○ Of these, 67% had told each other they love each other.
● Late adolescence (80% daters)
○ By age 18, the average length of a relationship is 9.5 months.
Can dating too young lead to problems? Is it age or the peer group?
Norms for dating:
● Descriptive norms: what others do.
● Injunctive norms: what others approve of/desire.
○ Do you friends think its okay to date/have sex?
These two types can go hand in hand together, but also are a bit different sometimes.
Downside of early adolescent romantic relationships
● Links to depression.
● Negative association to academics.
● Risk for aggression:
○ Attraction to aggressive peers increases in middle school.
○ Early adolescent romantic relationships = higher risk of partner violence.
○ Bullies date earlier and report more aggression.
, Progression of social, romantic and sexual vents during adolecence
Study, N = 7781, 12-21 year-olds, 35% no relationship in original sample.
Number 1 happens first, number 2 happens second, etc.
Uncommitted dating and hooking up
● Charaxterized by casual sex, though term includes man other types of sexual
encounters.
● 28% of urban high school students have engaged in any form of hook up in 2009
(associated with drug use, trancy, and school suspension).
● Hook ups involving sexual intercourse.
○ 62% between friends.
○ 23% acquaintances.
Percent reporting recent casual sex by age
In the last 12/24 months, have you had vaginal sex with someone that you weren’t really
dating or going out with?
● Males are more likely to report they have had casual sex than females.
ADOLESCENT ROMANCE: SETTING THE STAGE AND DEFINITIONS
Adolescent romance
● Daydreaming about the person in front of you in class with whom you have never
spoken.
● Claims to have a boyfriend, but denied by the boy.
● Talk on the phone everyday (or texting), but never seen in public together for fear of
being ridiculed.
● Going together but only spending time together with other members of their crowds.
● Going steady for 3 years (the “real” thing).
Fantasies to interactions to relationships = romantic experiences.
Romantic relationship
● Romantic relationship: mutually acknowledged ongoing voluntary interactions.
● Compared to other peer relationships, romantic ones typically have a distinctive
intensity, commonly marked by expressions of affection and current or anticipated
sexual behavior.
● Applies to same-gender, as well as mixed-gender relationships.
Romantic experiences
● Refers to activities and processes that include romantic relationships and also
behavioral, cognitive, and emotional phenomena that do not involve direct
experiences with a romantic partner.
● Includes:
○ Fantasies and one-sided attractions (“crushes).
○ Interactions with potential romantic partners (including flirting).
○ Brief, non-romantic sexual encounters (e.g., hooking up, or causal
involvement in activities usually through to take place with romantic partners,
from making out to intercourse).
Adolescent romance
● Romantic relationships support the development of interpersonal skills, and promote
a sense of identity.
● Experiment with romantic relationships.
○ May facilitate healthy relations in adulthood.
● Opportunities to gain skills in the expression and regulation of emotions, empathy
and intimacy.
Developmental progression of romatnic and sexual interst and behavior
8-11 (pre and early-puberty) adrenarche
● First crush.
● Sexual attraction.
● Sexual arousal.
● More awareness of social rules.
12-17 mid and late puberty
● Gender intensification.
, ○ Gender binary.
○ Conformity increases and then subsides.
● Romantic relationships.
○ Duration longer.
○ More intense.
○ Some life-long partners.
● Sexual experiences increse.
Intimacy as an adolescent issue
● Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge.
● Characteristics of true intimacy:
○ Openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust.
● Intimacy becomes an important concern due to change of:
○ Puberty.
○ Cognitive changes.
○ Social changes.
What is intimacy?
● Intimacy involves a relationship where two or more people reveal personal thoughts
and information about each other.
● Comfortable revealing themselves in an intimate relationship.
○ Feel comfort and support from the other person.
● Physical closeness usually comes along with intimacy.
○ Hugging and touching.
How does intimacy develop in adolescent friendships?
● Intimate friendships are defined as “the ability to share one’s thoughts and feelings
with a friend”.
● Intimate friendships become more common in adolescence.
○ Feel it is safer to reveal things to their friends.
● Adolescents seek approval from adults.
○ Therefore, they are less inclined to reveal things.
○ Fear of being looked upon as childish.
● Adolescents look for intimate relationships with other adolescents.
○ Feel that others their own age are going through similar experiences and will
be able to relate.
● Intimacy in a romantic relationships differs from a friendship becase of the added
sexual interest.
● Emotional intimacy increases with age and experience with relationships; first
romantic relationships have very little intimacy.
● Adolescents learn how to express and deal with their sexual identities by discussion
with their friends.
RESERACH ON EARLY DATING AND CASUAL SEX
Dating
● What is a date? A social engagement between young people with no commitment
beyond the expectation that is fun for both.
, ● Factors related to dating frequency:
○ Liked by peers.
○ Large number of close other-sex friends > larger network of other-sex
members > increased likelihood of romantic relations.
○ Age: older = more.
Dating relationships
Serve many purposes, besides developing intimacy.
● Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents.
● Furthering development of gender identity.
● Learning about oneself as a romantic partner (self concept).
● Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in the peer group.
Prevalence
Romantic relationships are very common, the past 18 months.
● 25% of 12-year-olds reported having one.
● 50% of 15-year-olds.
● 70% of 18-year-olds.
● 80% ever.
Not trivial
● Early adolescence (25% daters)
○ 80% thought of themselves as a couple.
○ Of these, 67% had told each other they love each other.
● Late adolescence (80% daters)
○ By age 18, the average length of a relationship is 9.5 months.
Can dating too young lead to problems? Is it age or the peer group?
Norms for dating:
● Descriptive norms: what others do.
● Injunctive norms: what others approve of/desire.
○ Do you friends think its okay to date/have sex?
These two types can go hand in hand together, but also are a bit different sometimes.
Downside of early adolescent romantic relationships
● Links to depression.
● Negative association to academics.
● Risk for aggression:
○ Attraction to aggressive peers increases in middle school.
○ Early adolescent romantic relationships = higher risk of partner violence.
○ Bullies date earlier and report more aggression.
, Progression of social, romantic and sexual vents during adolecence
Study, N = 7781, 12-21 year-olds, 35% no relationship in original sample.
Number 1 happens first, number 2 happens second, etc.
Uncommitted dating and hooking up
● Charaxterized by casual sex, though term includes man other types of sexual
encounters.
● 28% of urban high school students have engaged in any form of hook up in 2009
(associated with drug use, trancy, and school suspension).
● Hook ups involving sexual intercourse.
○ 62% between friends.
○ 23% acquaintances.
Percent reporting recent casual sex by age
In the last 12/24 months, have you had vaginal sex with someone that you weren’t really
dating or going out with?
● Males are more likely to report they have had casual sex than females.
