Psychology of sexuality
Sex – computer metaphor
Hardware – biology
Operating system – evolution (e.g. man usually go with younger women)
Software – social environment and culture
Helpdesk – sexual problems / sexologist
Computers get older… still have sex
Sex (noun) – biological state of male or female, usually assigned at birth, not always
congruent with gender
Vs. the act of having sex
What is sex?
Penis in vagina, penis in anus, oral, touching, kissing etc.
How do people have sex?
Not
- Asexuality
- Voluntary celibacy, most of the time because of faith
- Involuntary celibacy (incel – extreme form of involuntary celibacy; people who say they
‘can’t’ have sex but feel like they have the right to have sex. They get violent when
people stand in their way)
Solitary sexual behaviours
- Sexual fantasy (you can consciously summon these fantasies, and it causes sexual
arousal), most common:
o Multiparter sex (men fantasize about this more)
o BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism
o Novelty, adventure, and variety
- Masturbation, is healthy because:
o Higher self-esteem in women
o Lower risk of prostate cancer in men
o Improvement of immune system
3: Partnered sexual behaviours
Sex is only sex if all partners consent – otherwise it is sexual abuse/assault or rape: to young,
not able to give consent, power difference
o Kissing, found in old pictures.
Not a universal behaviour (not common in all cultures, half of the
population)
Trust in partner
Sensitive zone
, Why? Multiple theories: Originated from how mothers feed their young.
Evolutionary, finding the right partner. Checking health of your partner.
Promote health by exchanging bacteria.
o Touching
Whole body can function as an ero zone
o Manual sex
Touching focused on the genitals
Hand job/fingered
Putting genitals together – trivonism
o Oral sex
(fellatio = man / cunnilingus = vrouw)
o Anal sex (intercourse or anilingus)
Rimming – oral stimulation of the anus
Communicate and lubricate
o Vaginal intercourse (coitus)
Man on top – preferred by women
Women on top – preferred by men
CAT position best for clitoral stimulation or women on top
o Orgasm gap = women reach orgasm less than men during coitus
Most women almost never reach an orgasm by penetration alone
What is sex?
In the Netherlands people define oral and manual sex as sex more often than in the USA.
Homosexuals (men and women) consider more behaviours sex.
Lesbians have typically more sexual behaviours than gays.
Coital imperative – the notion that real sex equals penetration of the vagina by the penis
(coitus) and placing this sexual act as central to ‘normal’ hetero sex
Sex is more than just the coitus
- Sex is all behaviour that arouses us (touch, hearing, vision, smell)
- Mostly focussed on genitals, but not necessarily
- Often leads to orgasm, doesn’t have to
- Sex is only sex if all partner’s consent
Over the years the average age of sexual acts has decreased.
Former beliefs about sex; for centuries the idea had been that sex is:
, - Heterosexual penis-vagina coitus
- Where the man had an orgasm (woman not necessarily, different views: women also
have to orgasm to get pregnant (also backfired with rape)
- Within a monogamous relationship (preferably marriage)
- With the aim of reproduction
Why do people have sex?
Biologists: the goal of sex is mixing genes and survival of the species (no one says this)
But this is the result of sex, not the motivation
1. Procreation: sex for reproduction
Heterosexual coitus, aimed at passing on genes
2. Recreation: sex for pleasure
Any behaviour – solo or with partner – focused on satisfying sexual desire
3. Relation: sex to confirm an intimate relationship
Sex is any behaviour with a partner focused on creating or strengthening an
emotional bond
Reasons for people having sex
I wanted to have a child
It feels good
I wanted to express my love for the person
I was horny
Relieve menstrual cramps
Etc. (237 reasons)
Clustered into 4 clusters by researchers
1. Physical (recreation)
a. Feels good
b. Attraction
c. curious
2. Goal attainment
a. Pregnancy (procreation)
b. Promotion
3. Emotional (relation
a. Relational aspect
b. Bond
c. ‘Thank you’ ‘I missed you’
4. Insecurity
a. Raise my self-esteem
b. Felt obligated to
Motivation differences between men and women are small.
Women more motivational reasons men more situational factors
7 views on sexuality
1. The traditional Christian view
, Every culture has some sort of religion, every religion has views on sexuality (taboos, things
you should do and things you should not do etc.)
Sex that takes you closer to God
‘Sexuality is an urge of the flesh, and it is a sin to give in’
Based on a dichotomy:
Body ↔ mind
Animal ↔ spiritual
Sin ↔ good
Urge ↔ self-control
Early Christian view sex is penis-in-vagina intercourse (in missionary position – only
appropriate sexual position; animals do it doggystyle) within the context of marriage for the
purpose of procreation
Consequences
Sex education prohibited
Prostitution prohibited
Contraceptives prohibited
Abortion prohibited
Sex before marriage prohibited
Sex outside of marriage prohibited
Masturbation prohibited
Oral sex prohibited
Anal sex prohibited
Homo (and same sex) sinful
A lot of children because contraceptives were prohibited
Sexual suppression can lead to erotic art (naked statues and paintings)
Gay eroticism – saint Sebastian
Sexual suppression can lead to sexual abuse (child abuse in churches)
Religiosity correlates with:
- More conservative attitudes
- Less oftens sex before marriage
- Less tolerance for oral sex
- Feeling guilt about sexual behaviour
- Homophobic feelings conversion
therapy
Gay conversion therapy or reparative
therapy – attempt to change an individual’s
sexual orientation to align with
heterosexual norms
No evidence that it works only evidence
that it hurts people
The traditional Christian church splintered, many people no longer religious or not as religious
anymore (use anticonvective
Sex – computer metaphor
Hardware – biology
Operating system – evolution (e.g. man usually go with younger women)
Software – social environment and culture
Helpdesk – sexual problems / sexologist
Computers get older… still have sex
Sex (noun) – biological state of male or female, usually assigned at birth, not always
congruent with gender
Vs. the act of having sex
What is sex?
Penis in vagina, penis in anus, oral, touching, kissing etc.
How do people have sex?
Not
- Asexuality
- Voluntary celibacy, most of the time because of faith
- Involuntary celibacy (incel – extreme form of involuntary celibacy; people who say they
‘can’t’ have sex but feel like they have the right to have sex. They get violent when
people stand in their way)
Solitary sexual behaviours
- Sexual fantasy (you can consciously summon these fantasies, and it causes sexual
arousal), most common:
o Multiparter sex (men fantasize about this more)
o BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism
o Novelty, adventure, and variety
- Masturbation, is healthy because:
o Higher self-esteem in women
o Lower risk of prostate cancer in men
o Improvement of immune system
3: Partnered sexual behaviours
Sex is only sex if all partners consent – otherwise it is sexual abuse/assault or rape: to young,
not able to give consent, power difference
o Kissing, found in old pictures.
Not a universal behaviour (not common in all cultures, half of the
population)
Trust in partner
Sensitive zone
, Why? Multiple theories: Originated from how mothers feed their young.
Evolutionary, finding the right partner. Checking health of your partner.
Promote health by exchanging bacteria.
o Touching
Whole body can function as an ero zone
o Manual sex
Touching focused on the genitals
Hand job/fingered
Putting genitals together – trivonism
o Oral sex
(fellatio = man / cunnilingus = vrouw)
o Anal sex (intercourse or anilingus)
Rimming – oral stimulation of the anus
Communicate and lubricate
o Vaginal intercourse (coitus)
Man on top – preferred by women
Women on top – preferred by men
CAT position best for clitoral stimulation or women on top
o Orgasm gap = women reach orgasm less than men during coitus
Most women almost never reach an orgasm by penetration alone
What is sex?
In the Netherlands people define oral and manual sex as sex more often than in the USA.
Homosexuals (men and women) consider more behaviours sex.
Lesbians have typically more sexual behaviours than gays.
Coital imperative – the notion that real sex equals penetration of the vagina by the penis
(coitus) and placing this sexual act as central to ‘normal’ hetero sex
Sex is more than just the coitus
- Sex is all behaviour that arouses us (touch, hearing, vision, smell)
- Mostly focussed on genitals, but not necessarily
- Often leads to orgasm, doesn’t have to
- Sex is only sex if all partner’s consent
Over the years the average age of sexual acts has decreased.
Former beliefs about sex; for centuries the idea had been that sex is:
, - Heterosexual penis-vagina coitus
- Where the man had an orgasm (woman not necessarily, different views: women also
have to orgasm to get pregnant (also backfired with rape)
- Within a monogamous relationship (preferably marriage)
- With the aim of reproduction
Why do people have sex?
Biologists: the goal of sex is mixing genes and survival of the species (no one says this)
But this is the result of sex, not the motivation
1. Procreation: sex for reproduction
Heterosexual coitus, aimed at passing on genes
2. Recreation: sex for pleasure
Any behaviour – solo or with partner – focused on satisfying sexual desire
3. Relation: sex to confirm an intimate relationship
Sex is any behaviour with a partner focused on creating or strengthening an
emotional bond
Reasons for people having sex
I wanted to have a child
It feels good
I wanted to express my love for the person
I was horny
Relieve menstrual cramps
Etc. (237 reasons)
Clustered into 4 clusters by researchers
1. Physical (recreation)
a. Feels good
b. Attraction
c. curious
2. Goal attainment
a. Pregnancy (procreation)
b. Promotion
3. Emotional (relation
a. Relational aspect
b. Bond
c. ‘Thank you’ ‘I missed you’
4. Insecurity
a. Raise my self-esteem
b. Felt obligated to
Motivation differences between men and women are small.
Women more motivational reasons men more situational factors
7 views on sexuality
1. The traditional Christian view
, Every culture has some sort of religion, every religion has views on sexuality (taboos, things
you should do and things you should not do etc.)
Sex that takes you closer to God
‘Sexuality is an urge of the flesh, and it is a sin to give in’
Based on a dichotomy:
Body ↔ mind
Animal ↔ spiritual
Sin ↔ good
Urge ↔ self-control
Early Christian view sex is penis-in-vagina intercourse (in missionary position – only
appropriate sexual position; animals do it doggystyle) within the context of marriage for the
purpose of procreation
Consequences
Sex education prohibited
Prostitution prohibited
Contraceptives prohibited
Abortion prohibited
Sex before marriage prohibited
Sex outside of marriage prohibited
Masturbation prohibited
Oral sex prohibited
Anal sex prohibited
Homo (and same sex) sinful
A lot of children because contraceptives were prohibited
Sexual suppression can lead to erotic art (naked statues and paintings)
Gay eroticism – saint Sebastian
Sexual suppression can lead to sexual abuse (child abuse in churches)
Religiosity correlates with:
- More conservative attitudes
- Less oftens sex before marriage
- Less tolerance for oral sex
- Feeling guilt about sexual behaviour
- Homophobic feelings conversion
therapy
Gay conversion therapy or reparative
therapy – attempt to change an individual’s
sexual orientation to align with
heterosexual norms
No evidence that it works only evidence
that it hurts people
The traditional Christian church splintered, many people no longer religious or not as religious
anymore (use anticonvective
