Lectures – Psychology of Sexuality
Lecture 1 - Introduction
Sex – computer metaphor
- Hardware - biology: we all have a body with sexual parts, hormones, and a nervous system. This
partly determines how sexuality is experienced or performed.
- Operating system – evolution: people have developed persistent patterns of behaviour.
- Software – social environment and culture
- Helpdesk – sexual problems/sexologist
Sex
- Noun: biological state of male or female, usually assigned at birth (AMAB or AFAB), and not always
congruent with gender (man, woman, both or neither)
- Verb: the act of having sex
Human sexuality
Positive associations
In line with Dutch research: at age 25, 81% of Dutch youngsters has sexual experience
90% of young women and 94% of young men say they enjoy sex
What is sex?
Wikipedia: human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the
manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality
Oxford dictionary: sex = sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse
Sexuality = sexual activity
Yourdictionary: sex = any function or behaviour involved with reproduction
Go Ask Alice: sex = the birds and the bees
How do people have sex?
Not
- Asexuality: don’t feel sexual arousal (versus allosexuality). Between these constructs is ‘grey
sexuality’, sometimes experiencing sexual arousal
- Voluntary celibacy: do feel sexual attraction but have chosen not to act on it
- Involuntary celibacy (incel): people that do have a need for sex but are unable to have sex.
Solitary sexual behaviours
- Sexual fantasy: any mental picture that comes to mind while you’re awake, that turns you on
Most common:
- Multipartner sex
- BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism
- Novelty, adventure, and variety
- Masturbation: solo form of self-stimulation, usually focused on the genitals and sometimes with the
use of sextoys
- Partnered sexual behaviours
- Kissing
- Touching
- Manual sex
- Oral sex (fellatio/cunnilingus)
- Anal sex (intercourse or anilingus)
- Vaginal intercourse (coitus)
Sex is only sex if all partners consent. If there is no consent, we call it sexual assault or sexual abuse or
rape
1
,How do people have coitus
Four basic positions (most popular/best known)
Reaching orgasm during coitus Reaching orgasm simultaneously
Lecture 2 – the role of
religion and science
What do people consider to count as sex
How do people define having sex
In the United States In the Netherlands
95% - Penis in vagina 99% - Penis in vagina
75% - Penis in anus 93% - Penis in anus
30% - Oral sex 75% - Oral sex
12% - Manual sex 66% - Manual sex
Coital imperative
The notion that ‘real’ sex equals penetration of the vagina by the penis (coitus) and placing this particular
sexual act as central to ‘normal’ heterosex
How do homosexual people define having sex?
Homosexual men Homosexual women
- Insertive anal intercourse – 91% - Mutual oral stimulation (69) – 80%
- Receptive anal intercourse – 90% - Oral-genital stimulation – 77%
- Mutual oral stimulation (69) – 64% - Dildo in vagina - 74%
- Oral-genital stimulation – 62% - Double-ended dildo – 73%
- Oral anal stimulation (rimming) – 52% - Manual genital stimulation – 70%
- Rubbing genitals (scissoring) – 69%
- Dildo in anus – 64%
- Mutual manual-genital stimulation – 63%
- Oral anal stimulation (rimming) – 52%
What is sex?
Sex is more than just the coitus
- Sex is all behaviour that arouses us (via touch, hearing, vision, smell)
- Mostly focussed on genitals
- Often leads to orgasm
- Sex is only sex if all partners consent
-
2
,The ‘sexual career’ in the Netherlands
Age first time, median 2005 2012 2017
Deep kissing 13.5 14.4 15.8
Feel and caress 15.5 15.2 16.5
Manual sex 16.7 16.3 17.6
Oral sex 17.2 17.1 17.9
Coitus 17.1 17.1 18.6
Former beliefs about sex
For centuries the idea has been that sex is:
- Heterosexual penis-vagina coitus
- Where the man has an orgasm (women not necessarily)
- Within a monogamous relationship (preferably marriage)
- With the aim of reproduction
Why do humans have sex?
Biologists will say: the goal of sex is mixing of genes and survival of the species
But that is the result of sex, not the motivation
Why humans have sex
- Procreation: sex for reproduction. Sex is heterosexual coitus, aimed at passing on genes
- Recreation: sex for pleasure. Sex is any behaviour – solo or with partner – focused on satisfying
sexual desire
- Relation: sex to confirm an intimate relationship. Sex is any behaviour with a partner focused on
creating or strengthening an emotional bond
Reasons for sexual intercourse
- I wanted to have a child
- It feels good
- I wanted to express my love for the person
- I was ‘horny’
- I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps
- I wanted to act out a fantasy
- I was bored
- I wanted to make up after a fight
- I wanted to feel closer to God
- I felt sorry for the person
- I wanted to change the topic of the conversation
- I wanted to get a promotion
- My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else
- I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease
Reasons for sexual intercourse clustered
Physical - recreation
- I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
- The person had an attractive face/desirable body
- I was curious about sex/my sexual abilities
Goal attainment – i.e. procreation
- I wanted to get a raise/job/promotion
- I wanted to burn calories
- I wanted to have a child
Emotional – relation
3
, - I wanted to increase the emotional bond
- I wanted to show my affection
- I wanted to say “I’m sorry”/thank you”/”I’ve missed you”
Insecurity
- I wanted to raise my self-esteem
- I didn’t know how to say no
- I felt obligated
Why humans have sex differences men women are small
10 most common reasons for sex reported by
Women Men
1. I felt attracted to the person 1. I was attracted to the person
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure 2. It feels good
3. It feels good 3. I wanted to experience the physical
4. I wanted to show my affection for my partner pleasure
5. I wanted to express my love for my partner 4. It’s fun
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the 5. I wanted to show my affection for the
release person
7. I felt horny 6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the
8. It’s fun release
9. I realize I was in love 7. I felt horny
10. I was swept in the heat of the moment 8. I wanted to express my love for the
person
9. I wanted an orgasm
10. I wanted to please my partner
Historical changes in view on sex
For centuries Nowadays
Activity Penis-in-vagina intercourse wide range of behaviours:
mutual masturbation, oral/
manual/ vaginal/ anal, sexting,
phone sex etc. (but little
agreement on what counts as
sex
Relationship Within the context of marriage variety of relationships:
unmarried, heterosexual,
homosexual, one-night stands,
‘friends with benefits’, serial
monogamy, etc.
Motivation For the purpose of procreation wide range of reasons:
procreation, but also recreation,
attraction, fun, affection etc
Views on sexuality
- The traditional Christian view
- The traditional science view
- The sociological view
- The Freudian view
- The radical political view
- A sample learning view
- A biopsychosocial view
4
Lecture 1 - Introduction
Sex – computer metaphor
- Hardware - biology: we all have a body with sexual parts, hormones, and a nervous system. This
partly determines how sexuality is experienced or performed.
- Operating system – evolution: people have developed persistent patterns of behaviour.
- Software – social environment and culture
- Helpdesk – sexual problems/sexologist
Sex
- Noun: biological state of male or female, usually assigned at birth (AMAB or AFAB), and not always
congruent with gender (man, woman, both or neither)
- Verb: the act of having sex
Human sexuality
Positive associations
In line with Dutch research: at age 25, 81% of Dutch youngsters has sexual experience
90% of young women and 94% of young men say they enjoy sex
What is sex?
Wikipedia: human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the
manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality
Oxford dictionary: sex = sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse
Sexuality = sexual activity
Yourdictionary: sex = any function or behaviour involved with reproduction
Go Ask Alice: sex = the birds and the bees
How do people have sex?
Not
- Asexuality: don’t feel sexual arousal (versus allosexuality). Between these constructs is ‘grey
sexuality’, sometimes experiencing sexual arousal
- Voluntary celibacy: do feel sexual attraction but have chosen not to act on it
- Involuntary celibacy (incel): people that do have a need for sex but are unable to have sex.
Solitary sexual behaviours
- Sexual fantasy: any mental picture that comes to mind while you’re awake, that turns you on
Most common:
- Multipartner sex
- BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism
- Novelty, adventure, and variety
- Masturbation: solo form of self-stimulation, usually focused on the genitals and sometimes with the
use of sextoys
- Partnered sexual behaviours
- Kissing
- Touching
- Manual sex
- Oral sex (fellatio/cunnilingus)
- Anal sex (intercourse or anilingus)
- Vaginal intercourse (coitus)
Sex is only sex if all partners consent. If there is no consent, we call it sexual assault or sexual abuse or
rape
1
,How do people have coitus
Four basic positions (most popular/best known)
Reaching orgasm during coitus Reaching orgasm simultaneously
Lecture 2 – the role of
religion and science
What do people consider to count as sex
How do people define having sex
In the United States In the Netherlands
95% - Penis in vagina 99% - Penis in vagina
75% - Penis in anus 93% - Penis in anus
30% - Oral sex 75% - Oral sex
12% - Manual sex 66% - Manual sex
Coital imperative
The notion that ‘real’ sex equals penetration of the vagina by the penis (coitus) and placing this particular
sexual act as central to ‘normal’ heterosex
How do homosexual people define having sex?
Homosexual men Homosexual women
- Insertive anal intercourse – 91% - Mutual oral stimulation (69) – 80%
- Receptive anal intercourse – 90% - Oral-genital stimulation – 77%
- Mutual oral stimulation (69) – 64% - Dildo in vagina - 74%
- Oral-genital stimulation – 62% - Double-ended dildo – 73%
- Oral anal stimulation (rimming) – 52% - Manual genital stimulation – 70%
- Rubbing genitals (scissoring) – 69%
- Dildo in anus – 64%
- Mutual manual-genital stimulation – 63%
- Oral anal stimulation (rimming) – 52%
What is sex?
Sex is more than just the coitus
- Sex is all behaviour that arouses us (via touch, hearing, vision, smell)
- Mostly focussed on genitals
- Often leads to orgasm
- Sex is only sex if all partners consent
-
2
,The ‘sexual career’ in the Netherlands
Age first time, median 2005 2012 2017
Deep kissing 13.5 14.4 15.8
Feel and caress 15.5 15.2 16.5
Manual sex 16.7 16.3 17.6
Oral sex 17.2 17.1 17.9
Coitus 17.1 17.1 18.6
Former beliefs about sex
For centuries the idea has been that sex is:
- Heterosexual penis-vagina coitus
- Where the man has an orgasm (women not necessarily)
- Within a monogamous relationship (preferably marriage)
- With the aim of reproduction
Why do humans have sex?
Biologists will say: the goal of sex is mixing of genes and survival of the species
But that is the result of sex, not the motivation
Why humans have sex
- Procreation: sex for reproduction. Sex is heterosexual coitus, aimed at passing on genes
- Recreation: sex for pleasure. Sex is any behaviour – solo or with partner – focused on satisfying
sexual desire
- Relation: sex to confirm an intimate relationship. Sex is any behaviour with a partner focused on
creating or strengthening an emotional bond
Reasons for sexual intercourse
- I wanted to have a child
- It feels good
- I wanted to express my love for the person
- I was ‘horny’
- I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps
- I wanted to act out a fantasy
- I was bored
- I wanted to make up after a fight
- I wanted to feel closer to God
- I felt sorry for the person
- I wanted to change the topic of the conversation
- I wanted to get a promotion
- My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else
- I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease
Reasons for sexual intercourse clustered
Physical - recreation
- I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
- The person had an attractive face/desirable body
- I was curious about sex/my sexual abilities
Goal attainment – i.e. procreation
- I wanted to get a raise/job/promotion
- I wanted to burn calories
- I wanted to have a child
Emotional – relation
3
, - I wanted to increase the emotional bond
- I wanted to show my affection
- I wanted to say “I’m sorry”/thank you”/”I’ve missed you”
Insecurity
- I wanted to raise my self-esteem
- I didn’t know how to say no
- I felt obligated
Why humans have sex differences men women are small
10 most common reasons for sex reported by
Women Men
1. I felt attracted to the person 1. I was attracted to the person
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure 2. It feels good
3. It feels good 3. I wanted to experience the physical
4. I wanted to show my affection for my partner pleasure
5. I wanted to express my love for my partner 4. It’s fun
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the 5. I wanted to show my affection for the
release person
7. I felt horny 6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the
8. It’s fun release
9. I realize I was in love 7. I felt horny
10. I was swept in the heat of the moment 8. I wanted to express my love for the
person
9. I wanted an orgasm
10. I wanted to please my partner
Historical changes in view on sex
For centuries Nowadays
Activity Penis-in-vagina intercourse wide range of behaviours:
mutual masturbation, oral/
manual/ vaginal/ anal, sexting,
phone sex etc. (but little
agreement on what counts as
sex
Relationship Within the context of marriage variety of relationships:
unmarried, heterosexual,
homosexual, one-night stands,
‘friends with benefits’, serial
monogamy, etc.
Motivation For the purpose of procreation wide range of reasons:
procreation, but also recreation,
attraction, fun, affection etc
Views on sexuality
- The traditional Christian view
- The traditional science view
- The sociological view
- The Freudian view
- The radical political view
- A sample learning view
- A biopsychosocial view
4
