DEPARTMENT OF INTERNATIONAL HISTORY
Feedback on Assessed (Summative) Essay
STUDENT ……………………. COURSE HY113
TEACHER ……….. CLASS GROUP \
TOPIC
Focus & Range
Unsatisfactory The discussion stays focused on the discussion except for some of the
preamble at the start of each section, which does not contribute to the
Satisfactory answer
Good x
Excellent use of detailed content to support the discussion
Excellent x
Structure & Coherence
Unsatisfactory Essay outline could be clearer, to explain the division of content.
Satisfactory x
Good
Excellent
Depth of Analysis & Quality of Arguments
Unsatisfactory x Intro
Attempts road map, though could be clearer. No summary of the debate
Satisfactory fault-lines in the historiography. Argument is presented, but it is vague and
could be stated more clearly (don’t be afraid to use ‘this essay argues’-see
Good x comments on the essay)
Main body
Excellent x
Some excellent points and analysis.
Uses an excellent range of specific detail to support the analytical
discussion, developing sophisticated arguments in each section
Conclusion Very good summary of the key arguments. However, this
could have gone even further by engaging the historiography.
Despite the excellent discussion and use of detailed content, the essay
is missing direct engagement with the historiography.
1
, Use of Sources & Historiography
Unsatisfactory X Content from the literature is effectively referenced to support the
discussion, but there is no direct engagement whatsoever with the
scholarship/historiography. What have others said/argued on this
Satisfactory question? Where does your argument lie within the existing debates?
Good x
Excellent
Expression & Presentation
Unsatisfactory Avoid the first person- see essay
Some phrasing issues throughout-check your tenses-see essay
Satisfactory X comments.
Good
Excellent
Suggestions for Improvement & Other Points
PROVISIONAL mark: 69% Signature:
2
Feedback on Assessed (Summative) Essay
STUDENT ……………………. COURSE HY113
TEACHER ……….. CLASS GROUP \
TOPIC
Focus & Range
Unsatisfactory The discussion stays focused on the discussion except for some of the
preamble at the start of each section, which does not contribute to the
Satisfactory answer
Good x
Excellent use of detailed content to support the discussion
Excellent x
Structure & Coherence
Unsatisfactory Essay outline could be clearer, to explain the division of content.
Satisfactory x
Good
Excellent
Depth of Analysis & Quality of Arguments
Unsatisfactory x Intro
Attempts road map, though could be clearer. No summary of the debate
Satisfactory fault-lines in the historiography. Argument is presented, but it is vague and
could be stated more clearly (don’t be afraid to use ‘this essay argues’-see
Good x comments on the essay)
Main body
Excellent x
Some excellent points and analysis.
Uses an excellent range of specific detail to support the analytical
discussion, developing sophisticated arguments in each section
Conclusion Very good summary of the key arguments. However, this
could have gone even further by engaging the historiography.
Despite the excellent discussion and use of detailed content, the essay
is missing direct engagement with the historiography.
1
, Use of Sources & Historiography
Unsatisfactory X Content from the literature is effectively referenced to support the
discussion, but there is no direct engagement whatsoever with the
scholarship/historiography. What have others said/argued on this
Satisfactory question? Where does your argument lie within the existing debates?
Good x
Excellent
Expression & Presentation
Unsatisfactory Avoid the first person- see essay
Some phrasing issues throughout-check your tenses-see essay
Satisfactory X comments.
Good
Excellent
Suggestions for Improvement & Other Points
PROVISIONAL mark: 69% Signature:
2
