I Years Had Been From Home
Emily Dickinson
I Years had been from Home
And now before the Door
I dared not enter, lest a Face
I never saw before
Stare solid into mine
And ask my Business there —
"My Business but a Life I left
Was such remaining there?"
I leaned upon the Awe —
I lingered with Before —
The Second like an Ocean rolled
And broke against my ear —
I laughed a crumbling Laugh
That I could fear a Door
Who Consternation compassed
And never winced before.
I fitted to the Latch
My Hand, with trembling care
Lest back the awful Door should spring
And leave me in the Floor —
Then moved my Fingers off
As cautiously as Glass
And held my ears, and like a Thief
Fled gasping from the House —
, VOCABULARY
Lest - in case
Business - work but also the reason or motivation for doing something
Awe - a feeling of dread or wonder, respect for something, possibly also an awning -
the cloth protective covering on the front of a house or shop window / door. William
- Emily’s brother - also developed the nickname ‘Awe’, so this may be a reference to
him.
Lingered - waited, perhaps hesitantly
Consternation - panic, sadness or stress caused by an unexpected event
To compass - to strive to accomplish something, either with deliberate skill or craft
Latch - a metal bar on a door that serves as a lock
Cautiously - carefully
STORY/SUMMARY
The speaker had spent years away from her home, and there she stood before the front
door - she dared not go in; she was worried that she might meet an unfamiliar face
staring back at her that would ask her ‘business’, as what she was doing there. She
would say that her business is to see whether the life she left behind still remains
there in the house, or whether it’s gone. She leaned upon the feeling of awe (and
possibly also an awning), her thoughts were fixed on the past (‘Before’). A second felt
incredible long, rolling and breaking upon her ear like an ocean wave. She laughed
because it was quite absurd that she could be so afraid of a door that she had created
out of her own panicked imagination. She put her hand on the latch, it was trembling
and cautious because she was afraid that the door might suddenly spring open and
knock her down on the floor. As cautiously as if they were made of glass, she moved
her fingers off the latch of the door, she put her hands up to hear ears to block any
sounds she might hear and - like a thief - she gasped and ran away.
SPEAKER/VOICE
The speaker in the poem adopts a slightly cynical, self-critical yet humorous tone as
she recounts the experience of trying to revisit a place she used to live. It causes her
a lot of fear and anxiety to go back ‘home’, after being away for so long. Rather than
Emily Dickinson
I Years had been from Home
And now before the Door
I dared not enter, lest a Face
I never saw before
Stare solid into mine
And ask my Business there —
"My Business but a Life I left
Was such remaining there?"
I leaned upon the Awe —
I lingered with Before —
The Second like an Ocean rolled
And broke against my ear —
I laughed a crumbling Laugh
That I could fear a Door
Who Consternation compassed
And never winced before.
I fitted to the Latch
My Hand, with trembling care
Lest back the awful Door should spring
And leave me in the Floor —
Then moved my Fingers off
As cautiously as Glass
And held my ears, and like a Thief
Fled gasping from the House —
, VOCABULARY
Lest - in case
Business - work but also the reason or motivation for doing something
Awe - a feeling of dread or wonder, respect for something, possibly also an awning -
the cloth protective covering on the front of a house or shop window / door. William
- Emily’s brother - also developed the nickname ‘Awe’, so this may be a reference to
him.
Lingered - waited, perhaps hesitantly
Consternation - panic, sadness or stress caused by an unexpected event
To compass - to strive to accomplish something, either with deliberate skill or craft
Latch - a metal bar on a door that serves as a lock
Cautiously - carefully
STORY/SUMMARY
The speaker had spent years away from her home, and there she stood before the front
door - she dared not go in; she was worried that she might meet an unfamiliar face
staring back at her that would ask her ‘business’, as what she was doing there. She
would say that her business is to see whether the life she left behind still remains
there in the house, or whether it’s gone. She leaned upon the feeling of awe (and
possibly also an awning), her thoughts were fixed on the past (‘Before’). A second felt
incredible long, rolling and breaking upon her ear like an ocean wave. She laughed
because it was quite absurd that she could be so afraid of a door that she had created
out of her own panicked imagination. She put her hand on the latch, it was trembling
and cautious because she was afraid that the door might suddenly spring open and
knock her down on the floor. As cautiously as if they were made of glass, she moved
her fingers off the latch of the door, she put her hands up to hear ears to block any
sounds she might hear and - like a thief - she gasped and ran away.
SPEAKER/VOICE
The speaker in the poem adopts a slightly cynical, self-critical yet humorous tone as
she recounts the experience of trying to revisit a place she used to live. It causes her
a lot of fear and anxiety to go back ‘home’, after being away for so long. Rather than
