Chapter 11: Close relationships: Passion, intimacy and sexuality p. 357
Contents
What is love?.........................................................................................................................................2
Passionate and companionate love...................................................................................................2
Love and culture................................................................................................................................2
Love across time................................................................................................................................2
Sternberg’s triangle...........................................................................................................................2
Different types of relationships.............................................................................................................4
Exchange versus communal...............................................................................................................4
Attachment........................................................................................................................................4
Types of attachment......................................................................................................................4
Two dimensions of attachment?....................................................................................................4
Attachment and sex.......................................................................................................................5
Loving people who love themselves..................................................................................................6
Maintaining relationships......................................................................................................................7
I love you more each day (?)..............................................................................................................7
Investment model..............................................................................................................................7
Thinking styles of couples..................................................................................................................7
Being yourself: is honesty the best policy?........................................................................................8
Sexuality................................................................................................................................................9
Theories of sexuality..........................................................................................................................9
Sex and gender..................................................................................................................................9
Homosexuality.................................................................................................................................10
Extradyadic sex................................................................................................................................11
Rare or common?........................................................................................................................11
Attitudes about extradyadic sex..................................................................................................11
Extradyadic sex and breakups......................................................................................................11
Extradyadic activity in dating relationships..................................................................................11
Reasons for straying.....................................................................................................................12
Jealousy and possessiveness............................................................................................................12
Cultural perspective.....................................................................................................................12
Evolutionary perspective.............................................................................................................12
Causes of jealousy........................................................................................................................12
Jealousy and type of interloper...................................................................................................13
Social reality.................................................................................................................................13
, Culture, female sexuality, and the double standard........................................................................13
What is love?
There are different kinds of love, which can be felt towards different kinds of people in your life.
Passionate and companionate love
Passionate love (romantic love) – strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a
special person
- Leads to increased levels of PEA (chemical substance in your body)
- Makes you feel in love (at first)
- Leads to sexual desire
- Only lasts for a shorter period
Companionate love (affectionate love) – mutual understanding and caring to make the
relationship succeed
- Not as strongly emotional
- More common in longer relationships
- May last forever
Love and culture
It has been argued whether romantic love is a construction build up by Western culture or not.
On the one hand, it has been argued that culture has formed norms and values, and a way of
running your life romantically.
On the other hand, it has been discovered that romantic love is found in almost every culture
which means it cannot depend on the culture. However, the views towards passionate differ
greatly among cultures, influencing the experience of it; while Western cultures put great value
on it, many other cultures regard it as temporary insanity, not meant to base life decisions on.
Love across time
Passionate love happens almost automatically and forms a good start for relationships.
Companionate love is harder to build up, and makes relationships succeed on the long run. This
finding is confirmed by data on the frequency of sex by couples; during the first month of
marrying, the frequency is high, but soon after it starts to decline.
It is common that people experience strong passionate love, but do not make a successful
transfer to companionate love when the passionate love begins to cease.
Sternberg’s triangle
According to Sternberg, love is composed of three ingredients:
- Passion – an emotional state characterized by high bodily arousal, such as increased
heart rate and blood pressure
o High in the first period
o Helps relationships start
Contents
What is love?.........................................................................................................................................2
Passionate and companionate love...................................................................................................2
Love and culture................................................................................................................................2
Love across time................................................................................................................................2
Sternberg’s triangle...........................................................................................................................2
Different types of relationships.............................................................................................................4
Exchange versus communal...............................................................................................................4
Attachment........................................................................................................................................4
Types of attachment......................................................................................................................4
Two dimensions of attachment?....................................................................................................4
Attachment and sex.......................................................................................................................5
Loving people who love themselves..................................................................................................6
Maintaining relationships......................................................................................................................7
I love you more each day (?)..............................................................................................................7
Investment model..............................................................................................................................7
Thinking styles of couples..................................................................................................................7
Being yourself: is honesty the best policy?........................................................................................8
Sexuality................................................................................................................................................9
Theories of sexuality..........................................................................................................................9
Sex and gender..................................................................................................................................9
Homosexuality.................................................................................................................................10
Extradyadic sex................................................................................................................................11
Rare or common?........................................................................................................................11
Attitudes about extradyadic sex..................................................................................................11
Extradyadic sex and breakups......................................................................................................11
Extradyadic activity in dating relationships..................................................................................11
Reasons for straying.....................................................................................................................12
Jealousy and possessiveness............................................................................................................12
Cultural perspective.....................................................................................................................12
Evolutionary perspective.............................................................................................................12
Causes of jealousy........................................................................................................................12
Jealousy and type of interloper...................................................................................................13
Social reality.................................................................................................................................13
, Culture, female sexuality, and the double standard........................................................................13
What is love?
There are different kinds of love, which can be felt towards different kinds of people in your life.
Passionate and companionate love
Passionate love (romantic love) – strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a
special person
- Leads to increased levels of PEA (chemical substance in your body)
- Makes you feel in love (at first)
- Leads to sexual desire
- Only lasts for a shorter period
Companionate love (affectionate love) – mutual understanding and caring to make the
relationship succeed
- Not as strongly emotional
- More common in longer relationships
- May last forever
Love and culture
It has been argued whether romantic love is a construction build up by Western culture or not.
On the one hand, it has been argued that culture has formed norms and values, and a way of
running your life romantically.
On the other hand, it has been discovered that romantic love is found in almost every culture
which means it cannot depend on the culture. However, the views towards passionate differ
greatly among cultures, influencing the experience of it; while Western cultures put great value
on it, many other cultures regard it as temporary insanity, not meant to base life decisions on.
Love across time
Passionate love happens almost automatically and forms a good start for relationships.
Companionate love is harder to build up, and makes relationships succeed on the long run. This
finding is confirmed by data on the frequency of sex by couples; during the first month of
marrying, the frequency is high, but soon after it starts to decline.
It is common that people experience strong passionate love, but do not make a successful
transfer to companionate love when the passionate love begins to cease.
Sternberg’s triangle
According to Sternberg, love is composed of three ingredients:
- Passion – an emotional state characterized by high bodily arousal, such as increased
heart rate and blood pressure
o High in the first period
o Helps relationships start
