Chapter 4: Families
Is conflict between teenagers and parents inevitable?
The generation gap: fact and fiction
When it comes to basic, core values - concerning religion, work, education, and so
on - diversity within the adolescent population is much more striking than are
differences between the generations. Why is this so?
● adolescents and their parents share a common socioeconomic, regional
and cultural background and these are the main factors that shape our
central beliefs
There is often a gap between teenagers and adults in matters of personal taste
(styles of dress, preferences in music and leisure activities).
Because adolescents spend a great deal of time with their friends, teenagers’
preferences are likely to be shaped to a large measure by forces outside the
family.
What do adolescents and parents usually fight about?
● curfews
● leisure time activities
● clothing
● cleanliness of bedrooms
Although conflict between adolescents and parents over these mundane matters
is generally less frequent in ethnic minority than in White families, the topics of
disagreement are similar across ethnic groups and cultures
Adolescents are willing to accept their parents’ rules as legitimate when they
agree that the issue is a moral one (whether it is permissible to cheat on a school
test) or one involving safety (whether it is permissible to drink and drive). They are
less inclined to accept their parents’ authority when they view the issue as
personal (what clothes to wear to a party).
Conflict between parents and children increases during early adolescence. One
reason for this is that adolescents come to see more and more issues that they
previously saw as legitimate for their parents to regulate as matters of personal
choice.
Family relationships at adolescence
As they develop, adolescents spend increasingly less time in family activities,
especially in activities with the family as a group.
A time of reorganization and chance
,According to family systems theory, relationships in families change most
dramatically during times when individual family members or the family’s
circumstances are changing, because it is during these times that the family’s
equilibrium often is upset.
The adolescent’s parents at midlife
Most parents are in their early 40s when the first child enters early adolescence.
This age can be a potentially difficult time for many adults, whether they have
children or not (midlife crisis).
Biological changes
● adolescents
○ period of rapid physical growth, sexual maturation and, the period of
the life span that society has labeled one of the most physically
attractive
● parents
○ beginning to feel increased concern about their own bodies, about
their physical attractiveness and about their sexual appeal
Perceptions of time and the future
● adolescents
○ developing the capability to think systematically about the future
and do start looking ahead
● parents
○ beginning to feel that possibilities for changing their own lives are
limited
Power, status and entrance into the roles of adulthood
● adolescents
○ on the threshold of gaining great status
○ their careers and marriages lie ahead of them and choices may
seem limitless
● parents
○ time of boundless horizons
■ coming to terms with choices made when they were younger
Adults tend to be older today when their children reach adolescence than was the
case two decades ago.
Parents’ mental health is worse when their teenage children are living at home
than it is once they have moved out, and when children leave home, it is fathers,
not mothers, who typically feel the greatest sense of loss.
Changes in family needs and functions
Family finances are often strained during adolescence:
, ● children grow rapidly during puberty, and clothing for adolescence is
expensive
● keeping up with the “must-haves” of the peer culture
● also saving money for thing such as college education
And in some families, parents may find themselves having to support their own
parents when their children are still economically dependent.
The financial demands placed on parents in the sandwich generation
(sandwiched between their adolescent children and their aging parents) require
considerable adjustment.
Special concerns of immigrant families
Many immigrant families place a high value on familism, an orientation toward
life in which the needs of one’s family take precedence over the needs of the
individual.
Adolescents who value familism and assist their families are
● more likely to develop prosocial values
● less likely to get depressed
● less likely to get involved with antisocial peer groups
○ which lessens their chances of drinking or using illicit drugs
Different expectations between immigrant parents and teenagers are a
significant source of stress for adolescents and parents alike, especially when the
adolescent has adopted values and expectations of the new country and the
parents are less so (generational dissonance).
Transformations in family relations
● changes in the balance of power
○ between ages 12 and 16, adolescents increasingly try to assert their
autonomy, and conflict with parents is common
○ by middle adolescence teenagers act and are treated more like
adults
● the role of puberty
○ adolescents and their parents bicker more frequently
○ they feel less close to each other
■ manifested in increased privacy on the part of the adolescent
and less physical affection between teenagers and parents
Sex differences in family relationships
Differences between the family relations of sons and daughters are minimal.
Teenagers relate very differently to mothers and fathers. Adolescents tend to
● be closer to their mothers
, ● spend more time alone with their mother
● feel more comfortable talking to their mothers about problems and other
emotional matters
As a consequence, mothers tend to be more involved than fathers in their
adolescents’ lives.
Fathers are more likely to be perceived as relatively distant authority figures to be
consulted for objective information (help with homework) but not for emotional
support.
Adolescents also fight more often with their mothers than with their fathers and
perceive mothers as controlling, but this does not appear to jeopardize the
closeness of the mother-adolescent relationship.
Adolescents’ time spent with fathers is more predictive of adolescents’ social
competence and feelings of self-worth.
Family relationships and adolescent development
Socialization is a two-way street. Just as parents affect their adolescents’ behavior,
adolescents affect how their parents behave.
Parenting styles and their effects
According to Diana Baumrind, there are two aspect of the parent’s behavior
toward the adolescent that are critical
● parental responsiveness
○ the degree to which the parent responds to the child’s needs in an
accepting, supportive manner
● parental demandingness
○ the extent to which the parent expects and demands mature,
responsible behavior
Four styles of parenting
● authoritative parents
○ both responsive and demanding
○ warm, accepting, involved, trusting
○ child-centered, democratic, flexible
○ they set standards for the child’s conduct, but form expectations
consistent with the child’s needs and capabilities
○ they value the development of autonomy and self-direction but
assume the ultimate responsibility for their child’s behavior
○ engages adolescent in decision making
○ supports assertiveness, responsiveness and self-regulation
● authoritarian parents
○ very demanding but not responsive
○ adult-centered, autocratic, rigid
Is conflict between teenagers and parents inevitable?
The generation gap: fact and fiction
When it comes to basic, core values - concerning religion, work, education, and so
on - diversity within the adolescent population is much more striking than are
differences between the generations. Why is this so?
● adolescents and their parents share a common socioeconomic, regional
and cultural background and these are the main factors that shape our
central beliefs
There is often a gap between teenagers and adults in matters of personal taste
(styles of dress, preferences in music and leisure activities).
Because adolescents spend a great deal of time with their friends, teenagers’
preferences are likely to be shaped to a large measure by forces outside the
family.
What do adolescents and parents usually fight about?
● curfews
● leisure time activities
● clothing
● cleanliness of bedrooms
Although conflict between adolescents and parents over these mundane matters
is generally less frequent in ethnic minority than in White families, the topics of
disagreement are similar across ethnic groups and cultures
Adolescents are willing to accept their parents’ rules as legitimate when they
agree that the issue is a moral one (whether it is permissible to cheat on a school
test) or one involving safety (whether it is permissible to drink and drive). They are
less inclined to accept their parents’ authority when they view the issue as
personal (what clothes to wear to a party).
Conflict between parents and children increases during early adolescence. One
reason for this is that adolescents come to see more and more issues that they
previously saw as legitimate for their parents to regulate as matters of personal
choice.
Family relationships at adolescence
As they develop, adolescents spend increasingly less time in family activities,
especially in activities with the family as a group.
A time of reorganization and chance
,According to family systems theory, relationships in families change most
dramatically during times when individual family members or the family’s
circumstances are changing, because it is during these times that the family’s
equilibrium often is upset.
The adolescent’s parents at midlife
Most parents are in their early 40s when the first child enters early adolescence.
This age can be a potentially difficult time for many adults, whether they have
children or not (midlife crisis).
Biological changes
● adolescents
○ period of rapid physical growth, sexual maturation and, the period of
the life span that society has labeled one of the most physically
attractive
● parents
○ beginning to feel increased concern about their own bodies, about
their physical attractiveness and about their sexual appeal
Perceptions of time and the future
● adolescents
○ developing the capability to think systematically about the future
and do start looking ahead
● parents
○ beginning to feel that possibilities for changing their own lives are
limited
Power, status and entrance into the roles of adulthood
● adolescents
○ on the threshold of gaining great status
○ their careers and marriages lie ahead of them and choices may
seem limitless
● parents
○ time of boundless horizons
■ coming to terms with choices made when they were younger
Adults tend to be older today when their children reach adolescence than was the
case two decades ago.
Parents’ mental health is worse when their teenage children are living at home
than it is once they have moved out, and when children leave home, it is fathers,
not mothers, who typically feel the greatest sense of loss.
Changes in family needs and functions
Family finances are often strained during adolescence:
, ● children grow rapidly during puberty, and clothing for adolescence is
expensive
● keeping up with the “must-haves” of the peer culture
● also saving money for thing such as college education
And in some families, parents may find themselves having to support their own
parents when their children are still economically dependent.
The financial demands placed on parents in the sandwich generation
(sandwiched between their adolescent children and their aging parents) require
considerable adjustment.
Special concerns of immigrant families
Many immigrant families place a high value on familism, an orientation toward
life in which the needs of one’s family take precedence over the needs of the
individual.
Adolescents who value familism and assist their families are
● more likely to develop prosocial values
● less likely to get depressed
● less likely to get involved with antisocial peer groups
○ which lessens their chances of drinking or using illicit drugs
Different expectations between immigrant parents and teenagers are a
significant source of stress for adolescents and parents alike, especially when the
adolescent has adopted values and expectations of the new country and the
parents are less so (generational dissonance).
Transformations in family relations
● changes in the balance of power
○ between ages 12 and 16, adolescents increasingly try to assert their
autonomy, and conflict with parents is common
○ by middle adolescence teenagers act and are treated more like
adults
● the role of puberty
○ adolescents and their parents bicker more frequently
○ they feel less close to each other
■ manifested in increased privacy on the part of the adolescent
and less physical affection between teenagers and parents
Sex differences in family relationships
Differences between the family relations of sons and daughters are minimal.
Teenagers relate very differently to mothers and fathers. Adolescents tend to
● be closer to their mothers
, ● spend more time alone with their mother
● feel more comfortable talking to their mothers about problems and other
emotional matters
As a consequence, mothers tend to be more involved than fathers in their
adolescents’ lives.
Fathers are more likely to be perceived as relatively distant authority figures to be
consulted for objective information (help with homework) but not for emotional
support.
Adolescents also fight more often with their mothers than with their fathers and
perceive mothers as controlling, but this does not appear to jeopardize the
closeness of the mother-adolescent relationship.
Adolescents’ time spent with fathers is more predictive of adolescents’ social
competence and feelings of self-worth.
Family relationships and adolescent development
Socialization is a two-way street. Just as parents affect their adolescents’ behavior,
adolescents affect how their parents behave.
Parenting styles and their effects
According to Diana Baumrind, there are two aspect of the parent’s behavior
toward the adolescent that are critical
● parental responsiveness
○ the degree to which the parent responds to the child’s needs in an
accepting, supportive manner
● parental demandingness
○ the extent to which the parent expects and demands mature,
responsible behavior
Four styles of parenting
● authoritative parents
○ both responsive and demanding
○ warm, accepting, involved, trusting
○ child-centered, democratic, flexible
○ they set standards for the child’s conduct, but form expectations
consistent with the child’s needs and capabilities
○ they value the development of autonomy and self-direction but
assume the ultimate responsibility for their child’s behavior
○ engages adolescent in decision making
○ supports assertiveness, responsiveness and self-regulation
● authoritarian parents
○ very demanding but not responsive
○ adult-centered, autocratic, rigid
