Psychology of Sexuality – Lecture I
Introduction
Seks – computer metaphor
The biology of people is made of hardware, just like computers our body, sex
organs, hormones, nervous system etc. influence how we experience/perform/feel etc.
sex
Computers also have an operating system, so do people which is based/formed by
evolution people nowadays have patterns of behavior which are formed
evolutionary, these patterns also influence the way we chose our partners
- In almost all cultures men are more attracted by younger women probably
because of an evolutionary advantage
Even though you have a hardware and an operating system you need a software to
function, which is equal to social environment and culture all factors that
influence how you learn/feel/think about sex(uality)
- All cultures and religions have their own rules regarding sex(uality)
There is also a helpdesk in case of a (sexual) problem: sexologist (NVVS)
What is sex?
Sex (genital anatomy): biological state of male or female, usually assigned at birth
based on the genitals (AMAB or AFAB), and not always congruent with gender
AMAB: assigned male at birth
AFAB: assigned female at birth
Intersexed individuals: genitals that appear to be a mix of male and female
genitals
Most people have positive associations with the word ‘sex’
Sex and relationships – differences between cultures
Some thing almost all cultures have in common: preference to perform sex within a
relationship between two individuals, or one men and several women
Two tiny cultures in which women prefer to perform sex within a relationship with
several men (really uncommon)
The concept of love is mostly a western concept not always a requirement for
having sex (in other cultures)
How do people have sex?
Does sex have to involve a penis? No, lesbians also have sex and they don’t have
penises
Asexuality: not having the desire/need to have sex lacking of sexual attraction
- still desire romantic relationships
1
, - some also lack the romantic desire
Even though asexual individuals lack the sexual attraction, some of them still
masturbate due to the feeling of arousal (biological) which isn’t due because of a
particular someone/ sexual attraction, they can also have sex (and still enjoy it) while
being in a relationship with a allosexual person
Allosexuality: having the desire to have sex all sexualities which aren’t asexual
(umbrella term)
Greysexual: individuals who consider themselves between asexual and allosexual
because they do experience sexual arousal/attraction but not very common or not
very intensely
Demisexual: individuals who only experience a sexual attraction after forming an
emotional connection
There are also individuals who don’t have sex even though they do have the sexual
desire:
- voluntary celibacy (mostly religious people) also includes individuals who
wait until relationship/marriage
- involuntary celibacy (incel): individuals who have the desire to have sex and
want to have sex but can’t have sex due to the lack of access, for example the
lack of having a partner or illness
- Incel is also a term for young male individuals who are involuntary celibate but
who think they are intitled to have sex (they think they have the right to have
sex) mostly white heterosexual males which gather on online forums where
they discuss with each other through messages which are loaded with
resentment (hate): they resent/hate society/women for not wanting to have sex
with them, also a lot of misanthropy (dislike of mankind), cynicism, self-pity,
misogyny (dislike of women) and they approve of violence against sexual
active people growing threat and terror, which also has lead to mass murders
in the USA
Solitary sexual behaviours, also known as solo sex:
- Sexual fantasies: mental images/thoughts about sex while being awake, which
generate sexual arousal and can help while masturbating
↳ most common sexual fantasies are:
1. multipartner sex (having a threesome for example)
2. BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and
masochism
3. Novelty, adventure and variety (for example having sex in public)
Women fantasise more than men about passion and romance
- Masturbation: solo form of self stimulation which is focused on the genitals
and having an orgasm, which can include sex toys when having a penis its
called jerking of, and when having a vagina its called fingering
Masturbation is more common among white, young and high educated men
2
,Masturbation is healthy and has some benefits:
- Women: higher self-esteem
- Men: lower the chance of prostate cancer (small effect, and you have to
masturbate 1-2 days a day)
- Improves the immune system
No Nut November: the inventors thought that taking a break from masturbating
would benefit body and mind, they say it improves mental focus, heightens
testosterone levels and it would improve the ability to enjoy/appreciate life this is
actually false
Although masturbation is healthy, some people die during masturbation due to (the
risks of) arousal arousal can make you take more risks/do more risky things,
because it can create some kind of tunnel vision where you block all the danger
3
, Lecture II
Sex: what, how and why?
Consent
Sex is only sex if all partners consent to have sex if there is no consent, it is
sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape
In some matters it is difficult to decide whether the other partner gave consent or not:
- The other person is too young to give consent
- One of the partners is not able to give consent, perhaps because of alcohol or
drugs use
- There is a large difference in power between the partners, for example teacher
and student or a boss and the co-worker questionable if there is consent
because of free will or because of the difference in power
#metoo movement made it clear that consent is necessary when having sex led
to more awareness when it comes to sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape
Consent can also be given indirect, but be aware of the fact that consent is necessary
Partnered sexual behaviours
1. Kissing not a universal behaviour (not all cultures accept kissing)
French kissing spreads 18 millions of bacteria per 10 seconds
Kissing is thought to originate from how mothers (apes) feed their young: mothers
first chew on the food before they transfer the food mouth to mouth to their children
Evolutionary adaptive function of kissing: when you kiss someone you can detect
pheromones, whether someone is healthy, fertile or if there is a match between the
two of you, and the exchange of bacteria and viruses can be good for your immune
system
2. Touching any body part can, due to nerve endings, be an erogenous zone
which can cause arousal when being touched/kissed, for example ear lobes or the
neck
Sex is sometimes even possible without touching the genitals, just by touching
erogenous zones of the body
3. Manual sex: touching involving the genitals, for example hand job or fingering
Tribadism: rubbing your genitals against the genitals of your partner, most common
among lesbians (also called scissoring)
4
, 4. Oral sex: stimulation of the genitals with the mouth recent trend and more
common among youngsters with a higher education, in some cultures/religions oral
sex is regarded to be unnatural/unhealthy
Fellatio, blowjob: oral stimulation of the penis
Cunnilingus, eating pussy/going down on someone: oral stimulation of the vagina
69 position, or soixante neuf: orally stimulating each other at the same time
5. Anal sex also recent trend which is upcoming, and it is more common among
young adults
People assume that anal sex is most common among gay people but that is not true,
gay people more often have oral sex or mutual masturbation
ATM, also known as ass to mouth: first putting the penis inside someone’s ass before
you put the pennis in someone’s mouth recent trend, very dangerous
Intercourse: penis is inserted in the anus
Anilingus: inserting other objects in the anus/ oral stimulation of the anus (by licking)
Anal sex has some health risks: you can very easily damage the rectum there is no
natural lubrication around/in the anus so you should always use lubricant (glijmiddel)
6. Vaginal intercourse (coitus) most common form of partnered sexual activity
Some basic positions:
- Missionary: man on top in general preferred by women
- Amazone/cow girl: women on top in general preferred by men
- Reverse cow girl: women on top with their back facing the men quit
dangerous for the penis
- Doggystyle: from behind
- Sideway/spooning: laying down
Men almost always reach an orgasm by penetration, but not all women the greatest
chance of reaching an orgasm is for women to be on top (cowgirl/reverse cowgirl) or
for clitoral stimulation the CAT position (Coital Alignment Technique) where the men
grinds to stimulate the clitoris (the women can also lay on a pillow for extra
stimulation)
Orgasm gap: its not easy for a women to reach an orgasm during coitus, whilst it is
for a men, thereby couples almost never reach an orgasm simultaneously media,
likes movies, make it seems differently which can lead to misconceptions and
insecurities
How do people define having sex
When you imply that oral sex or manual sex is not sex, you also imply that lesbians
and gay people do not have sex, which is weird
Research shows that Americans have a very narrow view on the definition of having
sex, most of them define sex as penis in vagina (coitus) perhaps because in
America its considered negative if you have sex at a young age so when you don’t
5
Introduction
Seks – computer metaphor
The biology of people is made of hardware, just like computers our body, sex
organs, hormones, nervous system etc. influence how we experience/perform/feel etc.
sex
Computers also have an operating system, so do people which is based/formed by
evolution people nowadays have patterns of behavior which are formed
evolutionary, these patterns also influence the way we chose our partners
- In almost all cultures men are more attracted by younger women probably
because of an evolutionary advantage
Even though you have a hardware and an operating system you need a software to
function, which is equal to social environment and culture all factors that
influence how you learn/feel/think about sex(uality)
- All cultures and religions have their own rules regarding sex(uality)
There is also a helpdesk in case of a (sexual) problem: sexologist (NVVS)
What is sex?
Sex (genital anatomy): biological state of male or female, usually assigned at birth
based on the genitals (AMAB or AFAB), and not always congruent with gender
AMAB: assigned male at birth
AFAB: assigned female at birth
Intersexed individuals: genitals that appear to be a mix of male and female
genitals
Most people have positive associations with the word ‘sex’
Sex and relationships – differences between cultures
Some thing almost all cultures have in common: preference to perform sex within a
relationship between two individuals, or one men and several women
Two tiny cultures in which women prefer to perform sex within a relationship with
several men (really uncommon)
The concept of love is mostly a western concept not always a requirement for
having sex (in other cultures)
How do people have sex?
Does sex have to involve a penis? No, lesbians also have sex and they don’t have
penises
Asexuality: not having the desire/need to have sex lacking of sexual attraction
- still desire romantic relationships
1
, - some also lack the romantic desire
Even though asexual individuals lack the sexual attraction, some of them still
masturbate due to the feeling of arousal (biological) which isn’t due because of a
particular someone/ sexual attraction, they can also have sex (and still enjoy it) while
being in a relationship with a allosexual person
Allosexuality: having the desire to have sex all sexualities which aren’t asexual
(umbrella term)
Greysexual: individuals who consider themselves between asexual and allosexual
because they do experience sexual arousal/attraction but not very common or not
very intensely
Demisexual: individuals who only experience a sexual attraction after forming an
emotional connection
There are also individuals who don’t have sex even though they do have the sexual
desire:
- voluntary celibacy (mostly religious people) also includes individuals who
wait until relationship/marriage
- involuntary celibacy (incel): individuals who have the desire to have sex and
want to have sex but can’t have sex due to the lack of access, for example the
lack of having a partner or illness
- Incel is also a term for young male individuals who are involuntary celibate but
who think they are intitled to have sex (they think they have the right to have
sex) mostly white heterosexual males which gather on online forums where
they discuss with each other through messages which are loaded with
resentment (hate): they resent/hate society/women for not wanting to have sex
with them, also a lot of misanthropy (dislike of mankind), cynicism, self-pity,
misogyny (dislike of women) and they approve of violence against sexual
active people growing threat and terror, which also has lead to mass murders
in the USA
Solitary sexual behaviours, also known as solo sex:
- Sexual fantasies: mental images/thoughts about sex while being awake, which
generate sexual arousal and can help while masturbating
↳ most common sexual fantasies are:
1. multipartner sex (having a threesome for example)
2. BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and
masochism
3. Novelty, adventure and variety (for example having sex in public)
Women fantasise more than men about passion and romance
- Masturbation: solo form of self stimulation which is focused on the genitals
and having an orgasm, which can include sex toys when having a penis its
called jerking of, and when having a vagina its called fingering
Masturbation is more common among white, young and high educated men
2
,Masturbation is healthy and has some benefits:
- Women: higher self-esteem
- Men: lower the chance of prostate cancer (small effect, and you have to
masturbate 1-2 days a day)
- Improves the immune system
No Nut November: the inventors thought that taking a break from masturbating
would benefit body and mind, they say it improves mental focus, heightens
testosterone levels and it would improve the ability to enjoy/appreciate life this is
actually false
Although masturbation is healthy, some people die during masturbation due to (the
risks of) arousal arousal can make you take more risks/do more risky things,
because it can create some kind of tunnel vision where you block all the danger
3
, Lecture II
Sex: what, how and why?
Consent
Sex is only sex if all partners consent to have sex if there is no consent, it is
sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape
In some matters it is difficult to decide whether the other partner gave consent or not:
- The other person is too young to give consent
- One of the partners is not able to give consent, perhaps because of alcohol or
drugs use
- There is a large difference in power between the partners, for example teacher
and student or a boss and the co-worker questionable if there is consent
because of free will or because of the difference in power
#metoo movement made it clear that consent is necessary when having sex led
to more awareness when it comes to sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape
Consent can also be given indirect, but be aware of the fact that consent is necessary
Partnered sexual behaviours
1. Kissing not a universal behaviour (not all cultures accept kissing)
French kissing spreads 18 millions of bacteria per 10 seconds
Kissing is thought to originate from how mothers (apes) feed their young: mothers
first chew on the food before they transfer the food mouth to mouth to their children
Evolutionary adaptive function of kissing: when you kiss someone you can detect
pheromones, whether someone is healthy, fertile or if there is a match between the
two of you, and the exchange of bacteria and viruses can be good for your immune
system
2. Touching any body part can, due to nerve endings, be an erogenous zone
which can cause arousal when being touched/kissed, for example ear lobes or the
neck
Sex is sometimes even possible without touching the genitals, just by touching
erogenous zones of the body
3. Manual sex: touching involving the genitals, for example hand job or fingering
Tribadism: rubbing your genitals against the genitals of your partner, most common
among lesbians (also called scissoring)
4
, 4. Oral sex: stimulation of the genitals with the mouth recent trend and more
common among youngsters with a higher education, in some cultures/religions oral
sex is regarded to be unnatural/unhealthy
Fellatio, blowjob: oral stimulation of the penis
Cunnilingus, eating pussy/going down on someone: oral stimulation of the vagina
69 position, or soixante neuf: orally stimulating each other at the same time
5. Anal sex also recent trend which is upcoming, and it is more common among
young adults
People assume that anal sex is most common among gay people but that is not true,
gay people more often have oral sex or mutual masturbation
ATM, also known as ass to mouth: first putting the penis inside someone’s ass before
you put the pennis in someone’s mouth recent trend, very dangerous
Intercourse: penis is inserted in the anus
Anilingus: inserting other objects in the anus/ oral stimulation of the anus (by licking)
Anal sex has some health risks: you can very easily damage the rectum there is no
natural lubrication around/in the anus so you should always use lubricant (glijmiddel)
6. Vaginal intercourse (coitus) most common form of partnered sexual activity
Some basic positions:
- Missionary: man on top in general preferred by women
- Amazone/cow girl: women on top in general preferred by men
- Reverse cow girl: women on top with their back facing the men quit
dangerous for the penis
- Doggystyle: from behind
- Sideway/spooning: laying down
Men almost always reach an orgasm by penetration, but not all women the greatest
chance of reaching an orgasm is for women to be on top (cowgirl/reverse cowgirl) or
for clitoral stimulation the CAT position (Coital Alignment Technique) where the men
grinds to stimulate the clitoris (the women can also lay on a pillow for extra
stimulation)
Orgasm gap: its not easy for a women to reach an orgasm during coitus, whilst it is
for a men, thereby couples almost never reach an orgasm simultaneously media,
likes movies, make it seems differently which can lead to misconceptions and
insecurities
How do people define having sex
When you imply that oral sex or manual sex is not sex, you also imply that lesbians
and gay people do not have sex, which is weird
Research shows that Americans have a very narrow view on the definition of having
sex, most of them define sex as penis in vagina (coitus) perhaps because in
America its considered negative if you have sex at a young age so when you don’t
5
