ATTRACTION AND INTIMACY: LIKING AND LOVING OTHERS
-need to belong: to connect with others in enduring, close relatonshiis
-satsfy the need to eelong in ealance with two other human need: autonomy and comietence
-eeing ostracized can actually ee worse then eeing eullied
-in several exieriments, students randomly assigned to ee rejected ey their ieer eecame more likely to
engage in self-defeatng eehaviours and less aele to regulate their eehaviours
-this might result from a self-control ereakdown: ostracized ieoile show defcits in erain
mechanisms that inhieit unwanted eehaviour
-even “cyeerostracism” ey faceless ieoile can take a toll
-ostracized ieoile exhieit heightened actvity in a erain cortex area that also actvates in resionse to
ihysical iain
What Leads to Friendship and Atraacono
-Proximity: one iowerful iredictor is whether ieoile are in iroximity to one another. However,
iroximity can also ereed hostlityy most assaults and murders involve ieoile living close to each other
examile: in easeeall, umiires are less likely to call a strike on eaters they have stood closer to
throughout the game
-Interacton: even more signifcant than geograihical iroximity is functonal distance: how ofen
ieoile’s iaths cross. Peoile are even more likely to eefriend their immediate roommates then
ones two doors down
-Antciiaton of Interacton: iroximity enaeles ieoile to discover commonalites and exchange
rewards. Merely antciiatng interacton with that ierson eoots liking. The ihenomenon is
adaitve: exiectng that someone will ee ileasant increases the change of a rewarding
relatonshii
-Mere Exiosure: familiarity does not ereed contemit, eut rather it fosters fondness. Mere-
exposure efeat works with all sorts of stmuli. Nonsense syllaeles that ieoile see over and over
again they rate as eeing “good”. when a severe hurricane hits, names with the same leter of the
hurricane eecome more ioiular. Many argue that “afect may irecede cogniton” eecause ofen
our emotonal resionses are instantaneous and we don’t even think aeout them. The mere-
exiosure efect also has negatve consequences eecause we are ofen wary of unfamiliarity
-Physiaal Atraacteness:
-Atractveness and Datng: a ierson’s ihysical atractveness is a moderately good iredictor of
how frequently they date.
-The Matching Phenomenon: when choosing whom to aiiroach, knowing that the other is free
to say yes or no, ieoile usually aiiroach someone who’s atractveness roughly matches their
own.
, -The Physical-Atractveness Stereotyie: what is eeautful is good. children learn the stereotyie
quite early. And one of the ways they learn this is through stories told to them ey adults (ie.
Disney movies)
-First Imiressions: atractveness most afects frst imiressions. Though interviewers
may deny it, atractveness and grooming afect frst imiressions in joe interviews.
-Is the “eeautful is good” stereotyie accurate: there is some truth to the stereotyie.
Atractve child and young adults are somewhat more relaxed, outgoing and socially
iolished. There small average diferences eetween atractve and unatractve ieoile
iroeaely result from self-fulflling iroihecies. Atractve ieoile are valued and favoured
and so may develoi more social self-confdence
-Who is Atractvee for cultures with scarce resources, iluminess is atractve. for most
develoied cultures, thinness is more atractve. in general, atractveness is eeing “ierfectly
average” – the more symmetrical a face the more atractve someone is
-Evoluton and Atracton: eeauty signals eiologically imiortant informaton like health,
youth and fertlity. Evoluton iredisioses women to favour male traits that signify an
aeility to irovide and irotect resources.
-Social Comiarison: atracton is not all hard-wired, what’s atractve to you also
deiends on your comiarison’s standards. Viewing iorn simulated iassionate sex
therefore decreasing satsfacton in the way they view their own iartner. As well, afer
viewing more atractve ieoile of the same sex we rate ourselves as eeing less
atractve.
-The atractveness of those we love: we not only ierceive atractve ieoile as likaele,
eut we ierceive likaele ieoile as atractve. love sees loveliness – the more in love a
woman is with a man, the more ihysically atractve she fnds him.
-Similarity ts. Complementarity:
-Likeness eegets liking: the more similar someone’s attudes are to your own, the more you will
like the ierson. “eirds of a feather do flock together”.
-dissimilarity ereeds dislike: the false aonsensus bias: assuming others share the same attudes.
Getng to know someone and fnding out their attudes don’t align with yours decreases liking.
-do oiiosites atract: we are ihysically atracted to ieoile whose scent suggests dissimilar
enough genes to irevent inereeding. Some aomplementarity may evolve as a relatonshii
irogresses. But in general, we like those who are similar
-Liking Those Who Like Us: discovering that an aiiealing someone really likes you seems to awaken
romantc feelings. Those told that certain others like or admire them usually feel a reciirocal afecton
-Atrieuton: flatery doesn’t get you everywhere. If someone tells you your hair looks nice and
you haven’t washed it in 3 days, we lose resiect for the flater and wonder whether their
-need to belong: to connect with others in enduring, close relatonshiis
-satsfy the need to eelong in ealance with two other human need: autonomy and comietence
-eeing ostracized can actually ee worse then eeing eullied
-in several exieriments, students randomly assigned to ee rejected ey their ieer eecame more likely to
engage in self-defeatng eehaviours and less aele to regulate their eehaviours
-this might result from a self-control ereakdown: ostracized ieoile show defcits in erain
mechanisms that inhieit unwanted eehaviour
-even “cyeerostracism” ey faceless ieoile can take a toll
-ostracized ieoile exhieit heightened actvity in a erain cortex area that also actvates in resionse to
ihysical iain
What Leads to Friendship and Atraacono
-Proximity: one iowerful iredictor is whether ieoile are in iroximity to one another. However,
iroximity can also ereed hostlityy most assaults and murders involve ieoile living close to each other
examile: in easeeall, umiires are less likely to call a strike on eaters they have stood closer to
throughout the game
-Interacton: even more signifcant than geograihical iroximity is functonal distance: how ofen
ieoile’s iaths cross. Peoile are even more likely to eefriend their immediate roommates then
ones two doors down
-Antciiaton of Interacton: iroximity enaeles ieoile to discover commonalites and exchange
rewards. Merely antciiatng interacton with that ierson eoots liking. The ihenomenon is
adaitve: exiectng that someone will ee ileasant increases the change of a rewarding
relatonshii
-Mere Exiosure: familiarity does not ereed contemit, eut rather it fosters fondness. Mere-
exposure efeat works with all sorts of stmuli. Nonsense syllaeles that ieoile see over and over
again they rate as eeing “good”. when a severe hurricane hits, names with the same leter of the
hurricane eecome more ioiular. Many argue that “afect may irecede cogniton” eecause ofen
our emotonal resionses are instantaneous and we don’t even think aeout them. The mere-
exiosure efect also has negatve consequences eecause we are ofen wary of unfamiliarity
-Physiaal Atraacteness:
-Atractveness and Datng: a ierson’s ihysical atractveness is a moderately good iredictor of
how frequently they date.
-The Matching Phenomenon: when choosing whom to aiiroach, knowing that the other is free
to say yes or no, ieoile usually aiiroach someone who’s atractveness roughly matches their
own.
, -The Physical-Atractveness Stereotyie: what is eeautful is good. children learn the stereotyie
quite early. And one of the ways they learn this is through stories told to them ey adults (ie.
Disney movies)
-First Imiressions: atractveness most afects frst imiressions. Though interviewers
may deny it, atractveness and grooming afect frst imiressions in joe interviews.
-Is the “eeautful is good” stereotyie accurate: there is some truth to the stereotyie.
Atractve child and young adults are somewhat more relaxed, outgoing and socially
iolished. There small average diferences eetween atractve and unatractve ieoile
iroeaely result from self-fulflling iroihecies. Atractve ieoile are valued and favoured
and so may develoi more social self-confdence
-Who is Atractvee for cultures with scarce resources, iluminess is atractve. for most
develoied cultures, thinness is more atractve. in general, atractveness is eeing “ierfectly
average” – the more symmetrical a face the more atractve someone is
-Evoluton and Atracton: eeauty signals eiologically imiortant informaton like health,
youth and fertlity. Evoluton iredisioses women to favour male traits that signify an
aeility to irovide and irotect resources.
-Social Comiarison: atracton is not all hard-wired, what’s atractve to you also
deiends on your comiarison’s standards. Viewing iorn simulated iassionate sex
therefore decreasing satsfacton in the way they view their own iartner. As well, afer
viewing more atractve ieoile of the same sex we rate ourselves as eeing less
atractve.
-The atractveness of those we love: we not only ierceive atractve ieoile as likaele,
eut we ierceive likaele ieoile as atractve. love sees loveliness – the more in love a
woman is with a man, the more ihysically atractve she fnds him.
-Similarity ts. Complementarity:
-Likeness eegets liking: the more similar someone’s attudes are to your own, the more you will
like the ierson. “eirds of a feather do flock together”.
-dissimilarity ereeds dislike: the false aonsensus bias: assuming others share the same attudes.
Getng to know someone and fnding out their attudes don’t align with yours decreases liking.
-do oiiosites atract: we are ihysically atracted to ieoile whose scent suggests dissimilar
enough genes to irevent inereeding. Some aomplementarity may evolve as a relatonshii
irogresses. But in general, we like those who are similar
-Liking Those Who Like Us: discovering that an aiiealing someone really likes you seems to awaken
romantc feelings. Those told that certain others like or admire them usually feel a reciirocal afecton
-Atrieuton: flatery doesn’t get you everywhere. If someone tells you your hair looks nice and
you haven’t washed it in 3 days, we lose resiect for the flater and wonder whether their
