The Need to Recall the Journey
Sujata Bhatt
For Regina Munzel
Now when she cries
for milk,
now as she drinks
I drift back
to the moments when she was
almost out
still part of me
but already I could reach down
and touch her hair.
I want to return
to her moment of birth.
It was too quick.
I want it to go on -
When the pain was suddenly
defined by her head,
when she was about to slide out
safely
all by herself - I felt my heart
go half-way out with her…
like seeing a beloved one off
to a harbour, to a ship
destined to go
to a far away place
you’ve never been to…
(Full poem unable to be reproduced due to the copyright)
, VOCABULARY
Scalping - taking the scalp of an enemy as a trophy in battle, also the word for
skimming material off the top of something
Cacti - the plural of ‘cactus’, a sharp spiky desert plant
Cassette - a tape that was used in the past to record and play music
Marrow - the substance which fills the centre of bones
STORY/SUMMARY
Now, when she cries for milk / now, as she drinks and I start thinking back to the
moments where she was almost born and partly out / still part of me / but I could
already reach down and touch her hair. / I want to return to this moment - her moment
of birth. It was too quick / I want it to continue longer - / when the pain was suddenly
defined by her head when she was about to slide out of my womb safely - all by
herself - I felt my heart exit half way with her - it was like seeing someone that you
love to leave the country by a ship in the harbour - when they were destined to go to a
new place that you’ve never been to yourself… / but I could touch her hair - it was thick,
fuzzy and hot. It reminded me of sticky feathers that clung wet to the runny white
liquid of eggs… / But this is a small person who already has her own independent
thoughts and feelings - she has a favourite sleeping position. / Weeks pass and the
bleeding of my womb stops. Months pass - what I thought could never heal actually
does heal. /And still there is a need for me to remember the journey, to retell the story
of what happened. The urge to open up the details of what happened until our faces
glow again. / When we delve into memory, what exactly is it that we are trying to
understand? / How we walked for hours while she kneaded herself out of my womb;
how we walked up and down the small room - circling the large bed. / No one can
explain how this feels. No one could have prepared me for this. The sound of ripping
silk, tearing skin that comes from within me. / Machines around us are recording
everything that people might want to know. / After the birth, I thought how lucky I was
to have been as alert as any other animal that was there, struggling to give birth in a
cave, / or behind a grove of trees, / or in an open field / walking at first, then straining to
push the baby out, then lying down - and doing all of this without drugs or
Sujata Bhatt
For Regina Munzel
Now when she cries
for milk,
now as she drinks
I drift back
to the moments when she was
almost out
still part of me
but already I could reach down
and touch her hair.
I want to return
to her moment of birth.
It was too quick.
I want it to go on -
When the pain was suddenly
defined by her head,
when she was about to slide out
safely
all by herself - I felt my heart
go half-way out with her…
like seeing a beloved one off
to a harbour, to a ship
destined to go
to a far away place
you’ve never been to…
(Full poem unable to be reproduced due to the copyright)
, VOCABULARY
Scalping - taking the scalp of an enemy as a trophy in battle, also the word for
skimming material off the top of something
Cacti - the plural of ‘cactus’, a sharp spiky desert plant
Cassette - a tape that was used in the past to record and play music
Marrow - the substance which fills the centre of bones
STORY/SUMMARY
Now, when she cries for milk / now, as she drinks and I start thinking back to the
moments where she was almost born and partly out / still part of me / but I could
already reach down and touch her hair. / I want to return to this moment - her moment
of birth. It was too quick / I want it to continue longer - / when the pain was suddenly
defined by her head when she was about to slide out of my womb safely - all by
herself - I felt my heart exit half way with her - it was like seeing someone that you
love to leave the country by a ship in the harbour - when they were destined to go to a
new place that you’ve never been to yourself… / but I could touch her hair - it was thick,
fuzzy and hot. It reminded me of sticky feathers that clung wet to the runny white
liquid of eggs… / But this is a small person who already has her own independent
thoughts and feelings - she has a favourite sleeping position. / Weeks pass and the
bleeding of my womb stops. Months pass - what I thought could never heal actually
does heal. /And still there is a need for me to remember the journey, to retell the story
of what happened. The urge to open up the details of what happened until our faces
glow again. / When we delve into memory, what exactly is it that we are trying to
understand? / How we walked for hours while she kneaded herself out of my womb;
how we walked up and down the small room - circling the large bed. / No one can
explain how this feels. No one could have prepared me for this. The sound of ripping
silk, tearing skin that comes from within me. / Machines around us are recording
everything that people might want to know. / After the birth, I thought how lucky I was
to have been as alert as any other animal that was there, struggling to give birth in a
cave, / or behind a grove of trees, / or in an open field / walking at first, then straining to
push the baby out, then lying down - and doing all of this without drugs or
