CHAPTER 11- INTERPERSONAL
ATTRACTION AND REJECTION
Learning objectives
Differentiate between the two ingredients for belongingness, and debate
why the need to belong is a basic need for a cultural animal.
Contrast the variables that predict who will like whom.
Identify two strategies for getting someone to like you that confirm the
importance of interpersonal rewards, and explain how reciprocity has a
powerful effect on liking.
Compare the inner reactions to the behavioural effects of rejection.
Analyse what makes people feel lonely and describe the conditions that
lead to social rejection.
Attraction: Anything that draws two or more people together, making them
want to be together and possibly to form a lasting relationship.
o Social psychology it is especially used to refer to what makes people like
and fall in love with each other.
Social acceptance: Other people have come to like you, respect you,
approve of you and in general regard you in ways that will lead them to
include you in their groups and relationships.
Rejection/Social exclusion: Being prevented by others from forming or
keeping a social bond with them; the opposite of acceptance.
All social animals need to be accepted.
o Social rejection is a problem and a source of distress for many social
animals as well as for human beings.
1
,THE NEED TO BELONG
Forming bonds is a big part of human life.
o Social animals (including plenty of non-human ones) survive and
reproduce mainly by way of their relationships with others.
It is vital to form and maintain some relationships in order to survive.
o Forming relationships involves securing acceptance, which often depends
on getting others to feel and think positively about you.
BELONGINGNESS AS A BASIC NEED
People survive and reproduce better if they have relationships, but that
doesn’t mean they only want relationships for those reasons.
The ‘need to belong’ is a powerful drive within the human psyche, and it
affects people who are neither worried about survival nor urgently interested
in reproduction.
Human beings relate to their physical environment by relating to other people
first.
o We even get our basic food and shelter from other people, rather than
directly from nature.
To enjoy the benefits of culture, people have to have an inner drive to
connect with other people.
Full deprivation of interpersonal contact is extremely stressful for everyone.
o That is why solitary confinement is considered an extreme form of
punishment in prisons.
The African concept of ubuntu is expressed in an Nguni word that means
‘humanity towards others’ and manifests itself in mainly social contexts, such
as community, political societies and economic contexts.
o Ubuntu suggests an ideal of unconditional recognition and appreciation of
individual uniqueness, at the same time as recognising that an individual
belongs to a specific community.
o Therefore, a person always belongs to a community, despite their
individual flaws and characteristics.
People will do many things to communicate with others – to hear each other
and to feel that they are being heard.
The internet is used for social contact and social life.
2
, o The internet allows people to interact with strangers and feel as though
they can form social connections without much risk or anxiety.
Some people manage to satisfy the need to belong by spending time on
social media or in internet chat rooms, where they may have intimate
conversations with other people.
o Some who suffer from social anxiety or have feelings that society rejects
and stigmatises find they can communicate about their inner selves with
complete strangers under the safe protection of anonymity that the
internet offers.
Social animals probably developed a kind of ‘herd instinct’ long ago, but the
human need to belong goes beyond that.
o Humans often play distinct roles and have all sorts of specific, individual
relationships with other members of the group.
o Ubuntu recognises that each person brings different skills to the
community and contributes to the collective prosperity of the community.
One thought-provoking theory has proposed that the driving force behind the
evolution of intelligence and the brain was social.
o Animals developed larger, smarter brains in order to keep track of more
relationships and more complicated social networks.
The need to belong: The desire to form and maintain close, lasting
relationships with some other individuals.
o Without this motive, people might just live alone; they would certainly be
willing to abandon a partner as soon as the partner became annoying.
o This drives people to affiliate, commit and remain together, and it makes
them reluctant to live alone.
Ubuntu suggest that people are never orphans, they belong to all people in
the community to look after and care for.
People usually for relationships easily and readily and are reluctant for them
to end, even if they do not see any clear purpose in continuing the
relationship.
o Eg. When workers at a company go through a training group exercise in
which they meet regularly for a set period of time, the group typically
resists its coming breakup, such as by promising to remain in touch with
each other and even planning reunions.
People are often reluctant to put an end even to bad relationships.
o People remain in relationships even with violent, abusive partners.
3
ATTRACTION AND REJECTION
Learning objectives
Differentiate between the two ingredients for belongingness, and debate
why the need to belong is a basic need for a cultural animal.
Contrast the variables that predict who will like whom.
Identify two strategies for getting someone to like you that confirm the
importance of interpersonal rewards, and explain how reciprocity has a
powerful effect on liking.
Compare the inner reactions to the behavioural effects of rejection.
Analyse what makes people feel lonely and describe the conditions that
lead to social rejection.
Attraction: Anything that draws two or more people together, making them
want to be together and possibly to form a lasting relationship.
o Social psychology it is especially used to refer to what makes people like
and fall in love with each other.
Social acceptance: Other people have come to like you, respect you,
approve of you and in general regard you in ways that will lead them to
include you in their groups and relationships.
Rejection/Social exclusion: Being prevented by others from forming or
keeping a social bond with them; the opposite of acceptance.
All social animals need to be accepted.
o Social rejection is a problem and a source of distress for many social
animals as well as for human beings.
1
,THE NEED TO BELONG
Forming bonds is a big part of human life.
o Social animals (including plenty of non-human ones) survive and
reproduce mainly by way of their relationships with others.
It is vital to form and maintain some relationships in order to survive.
o Forming relationships involves securing acceptance, which often depends
on getting others to feel and think positively about you.
BELONGINGNESS AS A BASIC NEED
People survive and reproduce better if they have relationships, but that
doesn’t mean they only want relationships for those reasons.
The ‘need to belong’ is a powerful drive within the human psyche, and it
affects people who are neither worried about survival nor urgently interested
in reproduction.
Human beings relate to their physical environment by relating to other people
first.
o We even get our basic food and shelter from other people, rather than
directly from nature.
To enjoy the benefits of culture, people have to have an inner drive to
connect with other people.
Full deprivation of interpersonal contact is extremely stressful for everyone.
o That is why solitary confinement is considered an extreme form of
punishment in prisons.
The African concept of ubuntu is expressed in an Nguni word that means
‘humanity towards others’ and manifests itself in mainly social contexts, such
as community, political societies and economic contexts.
o Ubuntu suggests an ideal of unconditional recognition and appreciation of
individual uniqueness, at the same time as recognising that an individual
belongs to a specific community.
o Therefore, a person always belongs to a community, despite their
individual flaws and characteristics.
People will do many things to communicate with others – to hear each other
and to feel that they are being heard.
The internet is used for social contact and social life.
2
, o The internet allows people to interact with strangers and feel as though
they can form social connections without much risk or anxiety.
Some people manage to satisfy the need to belong by spending time on
social media or in internet chat rooms, where they may have intimate
conversations with other people.
o Some who suffer from social anxiety or have feelings that society rejects
and stigmatises find they can communicate about their inner selves with
complete strangers under the safe protection of anonymity that the
internet offers.
Social animals probably developed a kind of ‘herd instinct’ long ago, but the
human need to belong goes beyond that.
o Humans often play distinct roles and have all sorts of specific, individual
relationships with other members of the group.
o Ubuntu recognises that each person brings different skills to the
community and contributes to the collective prosperity of the community.
One thought-provoking theory has proposed that the driving force behind the
evolution of intelligence and the brain was social.
o Animals developed larger, smarter brains in order to keep track of more
relationships and more complicated social networks.
The need to belong: The desire to form and maintain close, lasting
relationships with some other individuals.
o Without this motive, people might just live alone; they would certainly be
willing to abandon a partner as soon as the partner became annoying.
o This drives people to affiliate, commit and remain together, and it makes
them reluctant to live alone.
Ubuntu suggest that people are never orphans, they belong to all people in
the community to look after and care for.
People usually for relationships easily and readily and are reluctant for them
to end, even if they do not see any clear purpose in continuing the
relationship.
o Eg. When workers at a company go through a training group exercise in
which they meet regularly for a set period of time, the group typically
resists its coming breakup, such as by promising to remain in touch with
each other and even planning reunions.
People are often reluctant to put an end even to bad relationships.
o People remain in relationships even with violent, abusive partners.
3
